I’ve written this email to you about four times (not speaking in hyperbole) and I’m really having a hard time being clever and witty. Maybe it’s the heat. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not really a witty and clever person sometimes and sometimes you just have to have the facts laid out and discuss them. I mean, I would want to read something that just let me know what’s going on so I can go about my day and get stuff done. Because, who doesn’t like to get stuff done? I mean, it’s summer, there’s plenty of things to do outside so why is this guy keeping you from doing things outside right now? Geez. This is where I (as a modern typer on modern typing things) would use an acronym describing something that establishes my fervent desire to be understood. But, I’m not one to use them.
If you did need something to do outside that doesn’t really require much except for watching things while sitting outside let me suggest this:
That’s a picture of men playing softball.
I’ll be the first to admit that it’s a lot of fun.
It’s also a lot of fun to watch.
And, did you know that Three Penny (GO PIRATES!) has a team and that they wear orange? Did you know that orange is my favorite color?
So, the next softball game for the PIRATES! Is today at 6:15 and then they also play at 8:15. Then, next Monday they play at 6:15 and 7:15. They do all of this down at the Dog River Fields. It’s awesome and you should go and watch and cheer those guys on because I’m sure you’d recognize a lot of them and they’re really great guys and you should go and cheer them on because they’re awesome.
Also, I know what you’re NOT doing this Sunday. You’re not coming to Three Penny because we’ll be closed to let our staff hang out with each other outside and play games.
Cool, so we’ve got this far. GO to the softball games and cheer those guys on and DON’T come to Three Penny this Sunday because we’ll be closed.
Got it. Check.
Oh yeah, ok, beer:
Let’s get on that. Here’s the beers that are either on or on deck just waiting for you:
Hill Farmstead What is Enlightenment? Good question. Great beer. You might be aware of another American Pale Ale made by this brewery but have you tried this one?
The Bruery Hottenroth Berliner Weisse: oh man (as Mirabelle would say) do I love Berliner Weisse’s in the summer. These tart and sour ales are perfect when watching a sunset in the warm months or awaiting a thunderstorm, which we haven’t really had many of yet.
Lawson’s Finest Super Session #2: you know what I like better than Berliner Weisses in the summer? Session IPAs made by Mr. Lawson. Session means that it’s light on the alcohol but IPA means it’s perfectly hoppy.
St. Bernardus Wit: if you were wondering what a Belgian Witbier tasted like, then this is your chance to answer that question.
Rising Tide Daymark: a Rye Pale Ale from our friends from Maine. This is one of those beers you forget how good it is until you’ve tried it again. That’s why I brought it in. That’s why you should drink it.
Ok. I think next week I’ll be witty enough for you. I apologize for my vanilla flavor (flavour?) and ask for your forgiveness.
Seriously, forgive me. I’ll know that I’ve received your forgiveness if you email me directly (email@example.com) and tell me a joke.
Here’s my joke for you that I’ve been laughing at all day:
“Who is the Rorschach guy and why does he insist on drawing pictures of dogs playing poker?”
The Not So Clever Taproom Who Is Apologizing Too Much But At Least Has Decent Grammar