You’re in a tunnel. You’re surrounded by a circle (I guess is doesn’t have to be a circle but when I think of the word “tunnel” I immediately think about something that is circular in nature) leading you towards an ending, a speck in the distance that provides some sort of motivating factor for your time in said tunnel. You have a flashlight with you, by the way. And, it works. So, you turn it on to make it easier to look around you (which is the over riding nature of that flash light in the first place – and this is a real flash light, not like some Marx Brother’s routine where Harpo keeps handing you a flesh/flask/flute/fish). The light is comforting. Since all you’ve had to go by up to this point is a tiny speck in the distance, your eyes take a hot minute to adjust to the new lumens as you rub them. Once acclimated you notice a small piece of paper on the ground, nearest the right foot of your right leg. There’s writing on this piece of paper. It is in blue ink so your first inclination is the fact that this writing must be an original since the ink is not black. This is what is written on the note:
TYAGOK GT SVNGOK. BCOK GO QBDHD. GQ RGEE FD KHDCQ VOSD GQ KDQT BDHD. LDDY KVGOK.
This is quite interesting to you. You’re fully aware that this isn’t just some sort of language that you should have taken instead of French in High School. This is an enigmatic puzzle (which you think to yourself, “that’s redundant”). You focus the light on your surroundings. You notice something a little further down the tunnel, towards the speck in the distance. It’s writing. It’s in English. It’s written on the walls of the tunnel. Like, all over the walls of the tunnel. In giant letters the words, “D EQUALS E.”
You start solving the riddle.
You’re very smart. And very pretty.
END PART ONE:
If you have solved the riddle, continue reading.
If you have not solved it, jump to page 84.
Congratulations! Your hard work and dedication paid off in a bountiful amount of ways and the sun is shining on your forehead in the only way that sunshine can shine. Here’s what you’ve won:
Zero Gravity Bermuda Triangle: A foreign extra stout that’s been soured with funky funks and aged on dates. It’ll be your (wink) date if you want it to be.
Allagash Odyssey: your old friend from Maine in all of that Dark Wheat aged in Oak barrel goodness.
Hill Farmstead Double Citra: when a single Citra just won’t do.
Off Color Scurry: because you didn’t know you wanted a beer that’s made with honey, molasses and oats. And, because you didn’t know that all of those things put together could make such a fantastically magnificent beer, we thought of that for you and put it on tap.
North Coast Old #38: we must like you.
Cheers to you dear reader! Welcome to the end of the tunnel.
Choose Your Own Taproom.