Ok folks, this is seeweous (serious).
I’ve been charged with writing our new radio advertisement since, well, I’m usually the one that people turn to around here whenever I have “experience” doing something in the past. Yes, I was in radio. I have a “face” for radio or so my mother tells me. That’s why you rarely actually catch me at the taproom, I’m always in the background doing the things that are required to keep things afloat and moving. That’s where I’m best kept.
So, for this week, I’m asking YOU (and only you) to help choose between the three (3!) different advertisements that I’m going to pitch below. The winning advertisement will actually be recorded and used on actual radio (that’s the voice that comes out of your dashboard – it has a name – it’s called radio). So, without further ado, here are the three different ideas. Please either text or email your preference to firstname.lastname@example.org and I will get them assorted and calculated accordingly.
Away we go!
SFX (that means Sound eFfects (X)) of an INCREDIBLY LOUD AND LONG HORN (example HERE) that goes on during the entirety of the Ad. It should be so loud that it’s kind of annoying. Well, not kind of. It should be very annoying and it should be hard for the listener to even hear the person talking. The modular level of the person talking should be MUCH lower than the actual sound of the horn.
SPEAKING: We at the Three Penny Taproom want you to know that we love each and every one of you and with the Holiday season almost upon us, we’d love to remind you that a TPT gift card makes a perfect gift for the people who you decide that you love as well. So, stop in to see us and we’ll take good care of you.
SFX STOPS at the end of the last sentence and all that’s heard is the SPEAKER’s voice.
SPEAKING: You got that? Are we good? Did I forget to mention Gift Cards at Three Penny? No? Ok. Good. Love you. Bye.
SFX: Paul Simon’s “Graceland” begins as normal. You can get your reference on here. At 40 seconds into the song it immediately STOPS. There is 3 seconds of silence before SPEAKER starts.
SPEAKER: I’m not Paul Simon. I’m [enter name] and I’m here to tell you that Three Penny Taproom in Montpelier loves you and has all of the merchandise and gift cards that you may need heading into the holiday season. So, stop by and see us and we’ll take care of you proper.
SFX: As soon as the speaker stops speaking, like the very next nanosecond play this but start it at exactly 3 minutes and 57 seconds.
And then THIS slowly fading into the peripheral, at some point becoming the main focal point after the other fades.
SPEAKER (in the calmest voice possible): You are a hollow reed. Wind is blowing through you with the ease of linen. The holidays may bring stress but without pressure there is no diamond. Gift yourself the cheer of Three Penny Taproom this season with a sweatshirt or possibly a gift card for the ones you love that love you back because you got them the cheer of a sweatshirt or possibly a gift card. You are beautiful. You are special. You are loved.
SPEAKER (in a voice that’ll remind you of Micro Machines): Three Penny Taproom in Montpelier approves this message and also loves love and loves you. Happy Holidays.
There they are folks. Vote away!
As for the beer front this week, here’s some teasers:
Frost Beer Works AUTUMNAL Just Pale Ale will be on soon and it’s their lovely Pale Ale made with the warmth of Rye and the body of a linebacker.
Hill Farmstead Abner will be on soon much to the pleasure of my teeth and throat. And, I imagine you feel the same.
Oh, and we just put on Crop Bistro’s (Idletyme Brewing Company – they’ve changed their name but we’re trying to ease into that a little so as to not confuse everyone right off the bat) Oatmeal Stout which is awesome because it’s hard to find an easy drinking stout that tastes this good readily available. I brought in as much as we could so get to drinking on it.
Also on, Lost Nation’s Mosaic IPA (single hop), which is great because I know you love the cans so this is a way that you can have it on tap. That’s because we love you.
That’s about what I’ve got for you this week. Well, that and “this” because I found it when I was looking for that guy who did the Micro Machine (his name is John Moschitta) commercials (like this one) that I remembered seeing when I was younger and there was also something about that guy and a weird board game that involved watching a VHS (I have no clue what that stands for) in conjunction.
Cool. Vote away!
Inevermentionedthatiwasactuallykickedoffoftheradiobythefccbutnooneaskedanyway (that’s Not Safe For Work) Taproom