INT: TELEVISION STUDIO – INTERVIEWER (INT) is sitting stage right in a high armed chair with faded green cloth and is being attended to by make up people. He sits rather still amongst the hubbub and on goings around him. There is even an itch that visibly appears on his nose yet he sits rather still and simply wiggles it (the nose) in order to not ruin the excellent job that the make up people have done. The make up people are summonsed away by a man with a clipboard. INT suddenly and without warning rips the paper thing that’s been hanging from his neck and stands. There is a LOUD SIGH and INT sits again rather dramatically. There is ANOTHER MAN (AM) sitting stage left in a high-armed chair with pristine red cloth. LIGHTS are dim at this moment.

 

INT: Say it, synonym, symbiosis. Say it, synonym, symbiosis. Red leather, yellow leather. Red Leather, yellow leather…[pause] OK. Shall we?

 

[OFF CAMERA we hear a countdown from 10 that leads all the way to 3 and then the 2 and the 1 are not said, simply implied]

 

LIGHTS ON: TWO SPOTLIGHTS OVER THE TWO MEN

 

INT: Good Evening. Tonight I have a very special gift for you, dear audience. You see, to my right I have a man who has cracked an ageless code, a sheer enigma of our times. This man is a first hand account to one of the greatest single-handed acts in the history of our civilization. Sir, would you care to introduce yourself?

 

AM: Not really, no.

 

[Awkward pause]

 

INT: Would you prefer I do it for you?

 

AM: I assume so, yes.

 

INT: Well then, good. This man is the inspiration, the muse and the vision of light being the greatest song ever recorded. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen; this man’s name is Maxwell. You may have heard of him and his Silver Hammer? This is the man. The Beatles wrote the greatest song ever recorded about this man and his school time troubles…

 

[AM Interrupts]

 

AM:…actually that’s not true at all.

 

INT: But our researchers and producers have…

 

 

[AM Interrupts again]

AM: …they really didn’t listen at all. Yes, I was there when John and Paul were writing it but that’s about it. Well, that and my name is Maxwell. The rest is just made up. It’s a silly song.

 

INT: But you were there?

 

AM: Yes.

 

INT: Then can you tell us what was going on? Where were you? Was there any hammers involved?

 

AM: No hammers. We were actually on holiday together in Vermont in the USA. We were in a place called the Three Penny Taproom; fantastic place it is. It was August in our world was they were calling it IPAugust. How those guys got an entire month’s name changed I’ll never know but I wasn’t complaining. John and Paul and myself were abecedarians when it came to what these guys were all about. We just knew Bitters back in the pub, you know?

 

INT: Um-hum. Yes. Yes.

 

AM: Stop Interrupting.

 

INT: So sorry.

 

AM: Anyway, so we’re in this place and they have all of these fantastic hoppy beers that we’ve never tried before. And, they changed the name of the month of August to IPAugust because they were showcasing their love for the resinous and bitter lovely flowers that are so dominant in American beers. We had all different kinds of beers that day. John really fancied this beer from Stillwater called What Can’t IBU? It had a touch of a Belgian style yeast but it was still really nice and hoppy. I think Paul fell in love with a beer called Blue Gribbin from a brewery called Zero Gravity. It’s a session IPA which means that you don’t have to worry about it knocking you over but it’s still hoppy and has great flavour. I absolutely crushed on the What is Enlightenment from Hill Farmstead. So, I guess I’m a fan of Simcoe and Amarillo hops. I guess the Taproom is going to showcase the hoppier beers for the entire month of IPAugust from that day forth. I bet you can find those beers there right now. Well, hopefully anyway, they’re all pretty popular and tend to be drank quick by other patrons.

 

INT: What about the song?

 

AM: What song?

 

INT: Seriously?!? That’s what we brought you in here for! You’re Maxwell! From the greatest song ever to by put to the wax! It’s you!

 

AM: No it’s not.

 

INT: But you said you were there!?!

 

AM: I was.

 

INT: AND?!?

 

AM: Those beers were fantastic.

 

[audible sigh]

 

INT: You said you were there when John and Paul wrote the song.

 

AM: I was.

 

INT: And?

 

AM: Yeah, they wrote it while we were drinking good beers at the Three Penny. That’s the story. That’s it.

 

INT: Nothing more to share?

 

[awkward pause]

 

AM: Um…I have a bus to catch?

 

INT: Dismissed.

 

LIGHTS OUT.

 

AUDIBLE MURMERING can be heard while the song “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer” is played VERY LOUD to try and drown out the noise coming from the fact that INT is making quite the scene.

 

 

END SCENE.

 

 

 

See you next week.

 

Today’s earworm was provided by The Beatles and their song “Maxwell’s Silver Hammer.”

 

Cheers,

 

P.C Thirty-One Taproom

Comment