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Well, we’re going to be at it again. Next Tuesday, the 17th of January (the 17th day of the year two thousand and seventeen) we’re going to be donating 5% of ALL SALES to the Vermont ACLU. Here’s what you should be privy to as far as they go (this is taken as a direct quote so when it says “our” it means “they” because “they” are talking about “them”:

The American Civil Liberties Union of Vermont is dedicated to advancing the civil rights and civil liberties of all Vermonters. Since its founding in 1967, the ACLU of Vermont has been the state's premier guardian of liberty, working in the courts, the legislature, and in communities to preserve the individual rights and liberties guaranteed by our Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Our efforts are focused on broad range of issues impacting Vermonters' constitutional rights, including freedom of speech, criminal justice reform, racial justice, women's rights, LGBT rights, disability rights, voting rights, prisoners' rights, immigrants' rights, religious liberty, privacy, and more.   We strive to ensure that the most vulnerable communities and those who have historically been denied their rights are afforded the same protections as everyone else, including children, prisoners, people with disabilities, immigrants, homeless individuals, and low-income communities.

In Vermont and across the country, the ACLU fights for the principle that every individual’s rights must be protected equally under the law.


End quote.


So, basically, they’re the folks that you don’t know you need until you need them and then you’re sure as heck fire lucky that they’re doing what they do. Also, they’re doing the work for the people and they deserve what we can do for them to help.


We will have beer. We will have food. We will have good cheer. And, we will have you, which kind of rhymes if you say it so that it sounds the same.


Some highlights for this week include but are not limited to (as far as beer is concerned, leading up to the day where we’re donating 5% of ALL Sales to the Vermont ACLU):


- Lost Nation Roll Away: I’m always excited when we get something special from our friends up in the great Ville of Morris. This is an American IPA with a heavy hand of one of my favorite hops, El Dorado. It’s like a fruity punch to your face, in the nicest way possible.

- 14th Star Maple Breakfast Stout – NITRO: expect a nice, smooth stout with big hints (redundant) of Maple and a swift nuance of coffee, but all of it on nitro. Like a smooth criminal.

- Smuttynose Smuttlabs Double IPA: this is their first batch of a new Double IPA from this iconic brewery. Summit, Rakau, Citra, Falconer’s Flight and Motueka hops make this crystal clear offering the standout amongst the styles that we typically see here in the New England. Hopefully by the time you read this it’s still on tap as it’s been selling quickly, due to it’s awesomeness.

- We’re also getting a kind of secret offering from Lawson’s Finest this week and I’ll try to have that on as soon as possible as it’s a hoppy pale ale and we don’t like to have those sit around since they’re better drank as fresh as possible (I say that with a Spanish tone – you should to).


Ok y’all. That’s what I have for you this week so if you have anything you want to add just remember to do so at the end of the semester.


Peace and chicken grease.


See you next Tuesday.









Happiest, to you...

We will not be open this coming Sunday. It’s typically the day with which we lend our staff the ability to share the day with their friends and family so it is suggested that you do the same. You don’t have to, it’s just a suggestion, but it would be nice if you did.  

For starters, you may need a last minute gift idea and we have a couple for you: we have new glassware with our logo emblazoned on it and they’re really nice. For this week (leading up to the day we’re closed) you can get one for $7 or TWO for $12! Also, if you want a T-Shirt to accompany that fantastic glass you can get a T-Shirt AND a glass for $25. Both of these things save you $2 each. Also, we have gift cards, lots of them.



The following really doesn’t have much to do with giving or receiving or anything that this time of the year brings about but it was what was going on with me at the time and I felt the need to share. It’s like when Neil Young sits down at the piano at that BBC concert and makes a joke about their cups (the song is at around the twenty minute mark but the joke about the cups is in there somewhere) but it’s unlike that scenario because it’s way less depressing.


I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday!




Here goes:





I bought myself a record player the other day.



[Beer and music, that’s where I’m going with this…]



It’s been probably ten years since I’ve owned/possessed a record player let alone any records to play on it. In my past life (I believe lives start and end with either a decade or an event, whichever comes first) I had a vast collection of records to play ranging from Patsy Cline to the very first Incubus album and everything in between, with the lion’s share of the collection consisting of seventies jazz fusion, which was kind of my modus operandi during my later teenage years when I was learning guitar. I wanted to be the guy in this band. I’m still not that guy but I’m a lot closer now than I was when I wanted to be that guy.


So the other day I ended my shift at the Taproom (I still bartend two days a week so that all of you can still see me – stop by! I’m there Tuesdays and Wednesdays and I’m the one who works with Bart but I’m not Bart) and made my way home. Usually, I’ll hop on the computer and watch Youtube videos (example 1) until I can’t keep eyes open anymore. This specific evening I knew that I had two cans of Almanac Pilsner left in the reefer to finish off my evening and after I walked through the door, settled in, made sure I made the bed in the morning (nope) and kissed the lintel between the kitchen and the room that one would assume to be a dining room, I put one of those cans on top of the upside down lobster crate that I use as a coffee table and sat on the couch.


My computer sat there with the screen closed.


Before I opened the flappy of the CPU I paused.


I now have a record player.





When I purchased the turntable (from Buch Spieler in Montpeiler! Greatest record store on Earth!), I figured it would be pretty stupid not to also purchase a couple of records as well.




This is where another story has to be told because it’s awesome.



It involves a pick em up truck.



But it makes sense with the other story as well.




My grandfather had a 1994 Chevy S10 that he had modified to basically resemble an 18 wheeler, complete with running outside lights and toggle switches on the dashboard that controlled them all. I really can not tell you why. I was told as a younger version of the man I am today that he, at some point, was a trucker, which would explain the need for him to install running outside lights on a relatively smallish pick up. The entire time I knew him he worked for some sort of plastics company in Trenton that, unfortunately, did not make the same kind of plastic that hockey boards are made of, which would have been very convenient to my excitement level towards hockey and not to plastic at that time in my life. The lights ran along the entire outside of the cap that covered the bed of the truck. They’re these kinds of lights.


Well, my grandfather used to drive around with the radio off. As in, it was never on. Music was an extremely important facet of who I was as a person all growing up (not because my parents were overly musical or that I grew up in a “musical” family, I just gravitated towards it, personally) and I couldn’t comprehend how he could do that. Seriously, there was not one time that he would even put the radio on, let alone something musical.


So, for some sort of holiday one year I decided it would be a nice gesture to purchase some cassette tapes (they were ALL the rage back in that day) for him to actually have in his truck to listen to because that must have been the reason why he never listened to music, he didn’t HAVE any. I went to my local Hess Gas station during the time when you could buy those collectable trucks, which leads me to believe that this was around Christmas time, and got him a four pack of tapes (variety!) to crush the silence that was his commuting time (spoiler alert: turns out my grandfather just likes to listen to the traffic around him because him gave him a sense of where he was in relationship to the other cars on the road and music and/or the radio got in the way of his concentration). In the four pack were the greatest hits collections of: Patsy Cline, Willie Nelson, Merle Haggard and Dolly Parton.


The time came and went that I gifted them to him and I assumed that he put them in his truck.



One day, he was giving me a ride to a sporting event of some sort (I was always coming and/or going to a sporting event and sometimes my grandfather was the driver when my brother also had a sporting event or if the timing seemed correctly necessary for him to do so) and I noticed them in the bottom part of the door; the junk collector that is basically a plastic pocket at the bottom of the door used to store things unspecifically but also make it so that a vacuum will never be able to make it one hundred percent clean.


I opened the package that was holding them all together and undid the wrapping around the first one that I decided should be opened. It was the Patsy Cline one.


Without asking him, I put it into the tape player and pushed the cassette into the hole.


Patsy Cline filled the cabin like his cigarette smoke. The sound was awesome. Turns out, that truck had great speakers. Well, I figured, they better since this was the very first time that they’ve ever been used.


About two or three years later I ended up purchasing the truck from him so that he can buy a exact newer version of the same exact truck and put outside running lights on it.


The very first thing that I did, without even having driven the truck, is make four anchors out of wood and then put a piece of plywood over the top of these anchors, essentially creating a second layer to the truck bed under the cap. I would use this area for the next four years as my bedroom as I travelled around the eastern seaboard, climbing up hills and mountains.


But the first time that I got behind the wheel of the truck and put it in drive I reached down to turn on the radio. A tape started playing. It was Patsy Cline.


Here I was, driving around the streets of Trenton, New Jersey, with the windows rolled down, blasting Ms. Cline as if the speakers in the cabin had never been used and I was seasoning them for future enjoyment.


Apparently, after I had left the truck the day that my grandfather and I were in it listening to Patsy for the first time, he immediately turned it off after I had exited the vehicle and it hadn’t been turned on since.


I recently also purchased a pick up truck. It has the ability to play cassette tapes. I went over to Buch Spieler in Montpelier and looked for some tapes to put in the truck to keep me company. You’ll never guess what I found.



You just did. You just guessed that I found a copy of Patsy Cline’s greatest hits on cassette that I immediately purchased and put in the truck, driving around Montpelier, Vermont, blasting Ms. Cline through the streets and smiling.



Let’s get back to the record player.



With the player under my arm I went about using my fingers like little legs running on top of thin rocks, pushing these imaginary rocks out of the way in search for other titles behind the ones in front of them. I landed on the very first album I was given as a teenager by the clerk at the Princeton Record Exchange, with him saying that I should buy it and listen to it carefully, having, at that time, just acquired my first record player.


It was John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme.


It seemed only fitting that I, now seated on the floor in the room of my apartment that could be considered another bedroom but just so happens to not have a closet, would play that album as the first one on my brand new record player.


There’s something so finitely perfect about listening to records. You are given a set time to be able to sit and listen. You are told when the album starts and when it finishes, it’s dictated for you in the form of sides. And nothing is more pensive and reflective than just simply stopping your day, sitting on the floor and just listening.


As my grandfather liked to listen to the traffic around him, giving him a sense of place amongst the cars, I like to listen to the people around me, giving me a sense as cat whiskers do, a feel for where I can fit through and what my surroundings entail. At the end of the day, it’s nice to put a pause to that noise with the start of a needle being pressed against wax.


I listen to music like I drink beer.


There are times when I’m just putting the beer on in the background, letting the sheer fact of noise happen. Other times, I’m engaging myself within it, sitting on the floor and staring into the depths of a window pane while the world goes on around me and I, there in silence, studying.




So, if you made it this far, here’s what you can possibly expect on our taplist in the next few days:


- Scaldis Noel: we laid this one down in the good old days of two thousand and ten and allowed it to resurface so that we may have it to celebrate with you. It’s a wicked big Belgian Strong Ale from the family owned brewery of Brasserie Dubisson. Basically we’re talking about fruitcake in a glass with alcohol. That’s the worst generalization you can possible make about this beer because fruitcake has a bad rap. However, all of those raisin/plum/spice characters are there and the 12% ABV will warm you right up. The age on the beer should subdue a little bit of the heat associated with the higher alcohol and make for a mellow, yet potent ale.


- Hill Farmstead Harlan: if I’m not mistaken, this is an IPA that has a boatload of Columbus hops (earthy yet a little citrusy when really fresh) and a great malt profile to balance it out. The part that I may be mistaken on is the aspect of exactly how much Columbus is in the recipe and how much of other hops play a part. Either way, I’m going to stay, right here, with you.


- Evil Twin Imperial Biscotti Break: I was going to make a joke about butter but I stopped myself because I should. Someone out there will get that reference and they’ll find it amusing. Anyway, this is a big old Imperial Stout that we’ve aged for two years to maximize the flavor and minus the heat. Enjoy this for the sake of being a beer and allow it to soothe you.


- Citizen Cider Citizen Sour: I always feel redundant when I say something twice. It’s like being from the Department of the Office of Redundancy Department. Anyway, the way in which folks are making “kettle sours” these days in regards to beer (souring in the kettle, as opposed to the lengthy process of aging for months or years) is the same way that the folks at Citizen approach this cider. Expect it to be sour.



And, stay tuned for next week, we’re doing a fire sale on our bottles so WATCH OUT!



Happy Holidays folks! Thanks for coming.




We have a new menu with new things...

Hello Friends!  

Well, we’ve had or new menu online for less than a week but, well, it’s incredibly exciting and delicious.


Some highlights (not trying to exclude anything here, I don’t want to hurt the burger’s feelings but, well, you already knew of him and he’s already been in you and I figured I would mention some of the newer folks on the block so stop sulking Mr. Burger):


- Chorizo Piquillo Peppers: imagine a slightly sweet/spicy pepper with our chorizo inside of it. Now imagine it in you. All good things.


- FIVE different ways to enjoy our hand cut world famous French Style Fries (House Fries (you know this one, it’s with the highly addictive TPT sauce and sautéed onions), Chili Fries (our “coney sauce”), Cheese Fries (that cheese sauce that comes with the pretzels, that one) and Chili Cheese Fries (because you know what you’re doing – even says that on the menu)!


- FOUR different kinds of Burgers! The aforementioned Mr. Burger, the TPT Burger with the pickled hots and our peanut butter, a Quinoa-Black Bean Burger and a Falafel Burger.


- Scotch Egg.


- Scotch Egg.


- Scotch Egg.


- New Comprised Salad! Grilled Radicchio ‘Wedge’ with blue cheese dressing (yes, you can now have our Buttermilk Wings with blue cheese dressing, just ask), pork belly lardon, chopped egg and croutons.


- Other stuff as well but I don’t want to write out the whole menu.





We’re still on the train of giving (different than the Wayne Train – anyone who knows me knows what I’m talking about Go Flyers) and next Tuesday we’re going to be donating 5% of ALL SALES to Vermont Access to Reproductive Freedom. This is a great organization working to ensure that Women have the right to control what happens to their health and bodies. As I’m sure you’re inclined to not only agree but also want to support this great cause, you should come in a donate to them by eating awesome food and drinking awesome libations. Did I mention that we have a new cocktail list coming soon?


On to the beer:


- You’re going to see a LOT of Hill Farmstead coming down the pipeline in the next few days if it hasn’t already. Expect Sumner, Harlan, Susan, a whole host of different versions of Society & Solitude including #2, which is like an Imperial Black IPA. Well, it’s not “like” an Imperial Black IPA, it IS an Imperial Black IPA. Also, Of First & Last things…I’m not going anywhere with this, that’s the name of the beer. Oh, and Abner, which you love.


- Lawson’s Finest Equinox will also be on but it won’t be long, won’t be looooooooong…


- One of these days (that’s the song I just referenced) we will also have Evil Twin’s Imperial Biscotti Break that’s been hanging out in our basement for two years waiting for the opportunity to introduce itself to you. Well, it got called to the show and it’s on deck.





That should be good enough for you for this week but if it’s not, send me a line ( and I’ll basically write as fast as I can at you in a non-secular format.







Give it. Give it real good.

Ok folks, here’s the rubdown of what we’re going to be doing for the entire month of December:  

This past Tuesday we donated 5% of our sales for the whole day to the Montpelier food pantry. We are given so much by our community that we’ve decided to do this every Tuesday for the month of December.


It just seems that this is the right thing to do and the right time to do it, you know?


So, next up is Prevent Child Abuse Vermont. We’ll be giving them the same treatment (donating 5% of our sales (that’s for both food AND drink) for the entirety of Tuesday) this Tuesday coming up, the 13th of December. For 40 years, Prevent Child Abuse Vermont has been working effectively to prevent child abuse and neglect through parent education, support and public awareness. Their mission is to promote and support healthy relationships within families, schools and communities to eliminate child abuse. Please join us in supporting this great organization.


The other part of business to discuss is the fact that we’re going to launching our new menu VERY soon. As in, next week, so stay tuned for some highlights here and there to wet your whistles so that you can, you know, whistle better.


One of those additions to the menu that you should probably know about is the permanence of the Chorizo Stuffed Piquillo Peppers. Why am I singling this out? Because on one of my bar shifts I had a gentleman come in who had a wonderful time. We were running the stuffed peppers as a little teaser/appetizer that day and he ordered it. And then he order another. And another. And another. All in all, he consumed five portions of the special and then order three to go, ultimately ending the possibility that we could serve it to anyone else because he ordered the rest of them. They’re that good.


Oh, and two different “veggie” burgers? Yup, we’re caring deep about you.







Hill Farmstead Double Galaxy: when one Galaxy isn’t enough.


Smuttlabs Coffee Brown: think about the Old Brown Dog, it’s good right? Add coffee.


Oxbow Luppolo: man, am I excited about this one. I like the gents from Oxbow. They make the good beer. They also went and made an Italian Style Pilsner (think about that time I gushed over the Tipopils) and we’re going to have it on tap. I’m am the excite.


Also for the psyche bank: River Roost’s (White River Junction, Vermont) Martian Moon House will be on soon with all of its Galaxy and Mosaic goodness wrapped up in a 7% American IPA.



There you have it.



The past couple of weeks I’ve been putting a non-spaced link before the word “Taproom” at the end of each blog post. My intention is that, if you wanted to, if there was a group of you that felt like getting me a gift for any reason whatsoever, that’s just plainly what I’d want. However, that should not be a gift from a singular person, it’s just too expensive. BUT, if a whole GROUP of you wanted to go in on it, well, if you’re wondering what you could possible get me, that’s it.



Aside from that, we’re in the giving mood and we love you all.



Bottles, Bottles, Everywhere!

You should know that we give our staff off on Thanksgiving so that they may continue the tradition of sitting around all day and playing epic, longwinded games of Risk and drinking good beer and eating Stove Top. So, we will not be open on that day. However, it did occur to me that something goes perfectly with you being home for the holiday and me playing epic, longwinded games of Risk:  




You knew that was coming from the lack of creativity being generated by the brain computer today, right?


What more, something about beer that you may not consider when you’re in our shop is the bottles that we carry. Our list is pretty fun and very Saison heavy, which is great when you’re in the mood for a Saison and we don’t at present have one on the draft list. At the end of the year we’re going to be doing a bottle sale to allow ourselves a refresh of the system and to get you these bottles at a discounted price.


But for now, why not come in a get a bottle to share?


I have one up my sleeve that’s ruining my shirt because the bottles are the same size as wine bottles but they have been in them and shoving a bottle up my sleeve is stretching the shirt out.


It’s an absolutely lovely sour made by Cascade Brewing in Oregon. It’s aged for seven months with 200 pounds of cranberries, hibiscus, sweet orange peel and Thai cinnamon. They don’t make beers more perfect for Thanksgiving than this one. It literally screams Thanksgiving, so much so that I’ve seen a therapist because I thought I was hearing voices but it was just the beer talking, literally.


So when you’re in the shop (Three Penny Taproom 108 Main Street Montpelier Vermont USA), why not try out a bottle to share?


Here are some highlights:


Brasserie Dupont – the eponymous Saison, dry hopped. The word “horse blanket” was basically entered into the lexicon of words used to describe beers because of this beer.


Hopfenstark Saison Station 55 – an incredible Saison from our friends up el norte. Super dry and with a little less funk but more drinkability, this is a wonderfully surprising and refreshing beer.


Echt Kriekenbier – a wonderful Kriek (sour ale made with cherries, which is the predominant flavor of the beer) that’s sure to suit the time when you’re looking for a beer made with cherries.



That’s the thing, we have bottles and they’re awesome to share with friends so why not consider it?



Just a suggestion…



I’m not going to “should” on you…






I hope the day finds you well and smiling lots.









Sprichst du Deutsch?

Hallo! Sie sind die größte Auberginen im Garten!  

It’s the day before the Autumnal Equinox.





At least that’s what you said.




It’s also VERY close to the start of Oktoberfest in the country that has the next great hope for the United States Men’s Soccer Team playing in it. It’s always a fun time of year. The environment gets prettier, I get uglier and the season slowly (sometimes) fades into the next one, as we’re expectant at this point seemingly seamlessly.


To aid in the celebration of King Ludwig’s old-school wedding (that’s why it started in the first place) we will have our own (not our own – we don’t make beer) versions of the Oktoberfest style on hand for you to drink with your mouths (or however you decide that you want to drink them).


The Oktoberfest style is one that is increasingly interesting, to me, to try and define. The original version(s), the Marzens, were beers that were brewed in March, lagered in caves over the Summer and then brought out and served in late September in order to celebrate the start of the brewing season. I know, that’s kind of confusing. Here’s a more in depth run down: the brewing season in Munich back in the good old days (the days prior to the modern advances in technology and stuff) was typically between late September and mid March every year. Because of the nature of yeast doing what yeast does, there needs to either be a controlled environment where the temperature of the fermentation is constant or you have to wait until the temperature of the environment itself allows you to live in a cooler climate. Hence, brewing beer only between September and March. So, brewers would make ALL of the beer for the year in between that time period. The very last beer that they would make would be cellared in ice caves over the summer and served at Oktoberfest. I already mentioned that but for the linearists out there I felt it necessary to follow that path.


Oktoberfest beers are typically Amber in color and roughly about 5-6% alcohol. The purpose of these beers is to be drank, a lot. Therefore, they keep the alcohol lower so that you can drink more of them. Which, is awfully nice of them.


And, we will be showcasing TWO different interpretations of this style in the next couple of weeks, both of which coming from breweries that know a thing or three about making lagers true to form. The first is from Idletyme Brewing of Mountain Top, Stowe and the second is Zero Gravity from their stronghold surrounding of Burlingtown. Both of which will be delightful.


And, that’s all we’re serving.





No more other beers.






[he’s lying]




But, that all being said, I hope the start of the Autumn is going well for you and this has been hard to write since I’m kind of like THIS when it comes to THIS even though THIS is still going on and THIS is also going on as well but THIS!





And all THAT being said, take care.





Frequent to be asking...

Welcome to the frequently asked question page!  

Here you will find questions that are frequently asked to the person who’s writing the words that you’re reading because that’s the perspective that works best in this format. They are unsure of the inquiries that YOU, dear reader, are posed in any given time frame so they are working with what they know and expounding on that for now.


Would you agree?


[That’s a rhetorical question and will not be covered in the section that answers these frequently asked questions; oh, there’s going to be a section with answers as well, just, you know, For Your Information.]


How are you today?

I’m good. Wait, I’m fine. No, well. I’m well. That is to say I’m doing well. There, that’s grammatically correct.


What time are you open?

The collective We are open seven days a week. We serve food from 11-9 Monday through Thursday, 11-10 on Friday, 12-10 on Saturday and 11-4 on Sunday. The rest of the establishment (the Bar side of things) is open also during those time periods as well as after them.


Do you have any specials?

Yes we do. Right now we have an incredible Buffalo chicken sausage the Chef made. Think of it as if it were a sausage made with chicken that also has a little spice to it because that’s exactly what it is.

What’s your favorite beer?

Well, you’re just jumping in here aren’t you. Ok, this is by far my most frequently asked question. I’ve been in the brewing and beer industry since 2001 and have had many beers that, at the time, I’ve thought, “this is probably the best beer I have ever had because of the situation that’s going on right now.” Mostly, these epiphanies are generated with experiences. That is to say, it’s never really about the beer, per se, as it is the surrounding circumstances around said beer. One that I can think of was a beer that I shared with my best friend leaving Bratislava on a bus, headed toward the country side of Slovakia so that he can have his “bachelor” party, which was basically he and I eating really great food whose name I couldn’t decipher since I had been in Slovakia for about three hours total at that point but I was pretty sure it was meat based. I’m not sure what beer it was but I remember there was beer involved and it was a good day.


The other way I can answer this question is to say, “the next one” as people sometimes do but I can’t say that without thinking about THIS GUY, which kind of bums me out because I want to root for him but I REALLY don’t like the team he is on so we’ll just insert THIS GUY into that category in my brain from now on, ok?


Another way that I can answer that question is if I put it in the context of: if I were to have only one beer for the rest of my life, what would that beer be?


Well, that’s an easy question.


I would have Hill Farmstead Edward. The whole staff knows it. I’d be lying if I said another beer. It’s my desert island beer. Why? Because I’m one of those people who loves Pale Ales. I love what they stand for, I love what they’ve become. A lot of Edward’s success can be attributed to the fact that it’s impeccable and a craft of genius and science. But how we came to drink this beer, historically, is also worth mentioning since it’s always about the bedrock. Pale Ales when I first started brewing were much more in the way of the British style than what you see today, specifically in the northeast. British Pales (an American example: Smuttynose Shoal’s Pale – a British example: Bass) tend to be more ruby in color than what we’re getting now. They were crystal clear with a medium body and were more a balance of the sweetness from the malt to the hops employed than anything. Then came Sierra Nevada Pale Ale (as well as others, I’m sure, but you’d be hard pressed to argue this). Sierra basically dropped the caramel malts and went full hop. It’s actually funny seeing how Sierra Pale became the PBR of craft beer heads. Over the years, these different shifts and avenues allowed brewers to stop making the same styles over and over and branch out into the new directions, with new ingredients and new techniques. Sierra Pale is made with a healthy portion of a hop called Cascade; during my tenure in the brewing world Cascade was the most readily accessible and most highly used hop in the industry. Now, there’s different kinds of hops with different flavors available. Edward itself takes these to it’s advantage and uses a collection of different hops to impart that slight citrus punch that it does. The fact that we have the opportunity to be able to drink this on a daily basis, super fresh, is something that might have been what it was like to be around Chico, California during the time of Sierra’s rise. I love hops but I don’t love them that much. I love beer so I like to have more than one. Therefore, I want a beer that hovers around 5% ABV and has some hops in it but no too many that it’ll kill my palate. Therefore, American Pale Ales are what I gravitate towards. I hope that answers your question.


Who let you in here?

[I stole this joke from HERE.]

I did. I let myself in.


Where have all of the crocodiles gone in the Amazon?

I don’t know, Florida? [This joke only survives if you personify Florida. That is to say, the answerer of the question is kind of like turning to someone named “Florida” to answer the question for them. However, Florida, the now human, is unaware of what actually has happened to all of the crocodiles in the Amazon and is now shrugging inaudibly.]


Do you like Hockey?

Very much.


Do you have a list of the other beers that you have on tap?

Yes, and I try to update it as often as is humanly possible, sometimes even down to the minute. You can always access it HERE.


Where does he get those wonderful toys?

I don’t know. He’s Batman, though, so being a billionaire ninja probably doesn’t hurt his chances from either building them himself or knowing someone who can build them for him.


How many more questions are you going to put on here?

This is the penultimate.


Is this is the last one?









Thank you for visiting!






Small Screen Theatre (depending)...

In order to accurately and professionally let free the information that is needed this week, we must first turn to a piece of art which has no relevance to the reasoning behind why our name is what it is but it is very similar to our name and was once a play (is still) so, on this day some eighty eight (88!) years after it’s premiere we will run through the play to let you know about chicken wings. But first, we must establish the characters used (or about to be) and give them a little back story. By the by, the play (film, eventually) is called “Die Dreigoschenoper” but is also called, when translated, “The Threepenny Opera.”  

Here are the characters/players:


- Mack (“Mack the Knife”): total criminal but seemingly OK dude since he is totally besties with the police chief even though he’s a criminal.

- JJ Peacham: he controls the beggars, all of them.

- Celia Peacham: married to JJ, helps him run the ship, totally breaking hearts and shaking confidences, daily.

- Polly Peacham: not just a really great name for an ice cream flavor, she’s the daughter of Celia and JJ and, after having known Mack for about 48 hours, decides to accept his offer of marriage, much to the behest of her parents but if they accepted the union then we wouldn’t have much of a conflict with which to build a plot.

- Tiger: Chief of Police, head honcho of the policia, Army buddies with Mack and it’s weird because we’re pretty sure he knows that Mack is a criminal but he’s still chummy with him.

- Lucy: Tiger’s daughter and the background pretty much stops there.

- Jenny: former fling of Mack’s and bribed to try and get Mack in trouble and/or hanged.



And here’s the rundown, from memory (which might be a little hazy – it’s not like I can look up the plot synopsis on the internet as reference or anything (kids these days – back in MY day we actually had to reads these things)):


JJ opens us up with a bout between him and Filch, one of his beggars under his employment. JJ then learns that his daughter didn’t return home the previous evening and he’s not amused and comes to the conclusion that she’s in cahoots with Mack and then he gets red in the face.


Then, Polly and Mack are hanging out in a stable and it’s kind of like a wedding but no vows are exchanged and then everyone in the posse gets to eat stolen food. There’s a little tense moment when the police chief arrives (Tiger) but it’s all kind of a show since Mack and Tiger are tight and Tiger is one of the reasons that Mack isn’t in jail or hanged because he’s got his back on numerous occasions.


Polly goes back home and goes full bore into the “I’m going to love him no matter what you say” thing when talking to her parents. In this fit she kind of lets the cat out of the bag that Tiger and Mack are homies, which her parents are probably going to use against one of them in the future.


Polly goes back to Mack and tells him that her father is going to have him arrested, via song (the telling, not the arresting). Mack is all like “peace, then, I’m out and here’s how you run my business whilst I’m out.” On his way out of town he stops to see an old fling (Jenny) to talk about the good old days but Mack doesn’t know that Celia has bribed Jenny to turn him in.


Tiger is there to get him and is all like, “sorry bro, just doing my job” but they take Mack away anyway. Lucy and Polly get into it over their shared man and it’s like a wigwam and a teepee, it’s two tents. Polly leaves and Lucy conspires to get Mack out of jail. JJ learns about this and goes right to Tiger and gives him the old, “if you let this happen I’m going to end you by releasing all of my beggars during the Queen’s coronation parade and she’ll be Royally pissed in the actually proper sense of the word.”


Jenny goes to the beggar’s banquet to get her money for turning Mack in but Celia isn’t having it. Tiger gets there ready to arrest JJ when he learns that the beggars are already in position to ruin the parade and the only way to stop them is to actually REALLY arrest Mack and have him torn down so that JJ will stop the beggars, which will in turn save Tiger’s job/life.


With Mack back in jail he’s scrambling to try and get the money needed to get out of there and, turns out, no one’s helping this time. Just as the gallows are nearing for Mack he gets one of my absolute favorite Latin phrases handed to him and ultimately gets pardoned, granted a title, a castle and a pension from the Queen for, well, practically nothing that the audience ever figures out. Then they all sing about wronging the wrong is wrong because life is harsh.






And because we think you’ve all waited long enough for it to happen, we’re bringing back OUR BUTTERMILK FRIED CHICKEN WINGS!!!


Yup. You loved them, we took them away for a hot second and now they’re back, for good this time.


We also have beer (man, describing a play I saw probably once took up a LONG time) and it’s worth mentioning:


- Lost Nation House Pale Ale Is Quite Good And It’s An American Pale Ale That’s About As Good As You’re Ever Going To Have.

- Speaking of the hoppity: We have a very small amount of both Jackie O’s (Ohio – if you know, you’ll know) Mystic Mama IPA (West Coast Style IPA) and Matriarch (Triple IPA). One of them is on right at this moment.

- Let’s keep on with the hops and talk about Double Citra from Hill Farmstead. There, we just talked about it. It’s got Citra hops in it. Like, lots.

- On the other side of the spectrum we will be pouring Cigar City’s God of Fear soon, which is an incredible Imperial Stout from the state of Florida.




Be Excellent to Each Other.






Quick! Come Here!

I have a fairly active mind, always have and hopefully always will, that those who regularly actually read these email blasts will attest (to – I’ve also been taught to not end my sentences with a preposition, which is why I luckily avoided that embarrassment with these parenthetical offerings even though I kind of actually did end the sentence with a preposition – what would I do that for?).  

It should be no surprise to you, dear reader, that when I have something to tell you about that’s kind of aside from what you normally associate the regular pieces of beer stuff found here to contain my brain instantly plays THIS over and over again.


For those of you who will not click on that link I’ll let you know that it takes you to the magically delicious world of the internet where a clip of the show Twin Peaks will play highlighting a specific segment where the protagonist explains a philosophy in which he believes that every day you should “gift” something to yourself. In his case, he “gifts” a cup of coffee. Since I, personally, do not drink coffee for reasons not important here I usually “gift” myself soup. Or, you know, something gifty like lemonade or being able to walk on a trail.


It’s also a rare situation in life where you get to pull someone aside and use the phrase, “I’m going to let you in on a little secret.” Which, is awesome. It’s right up there, for me, with “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “who’s this clown?” [The former of those two is generally my way of exiting an argument that I know that I either don’t want to be in or can not win and the latter of those is awesome because it implies that A: the other person is, in fact, a clown (not that there’s anything wrong with that – some of my best friends are clowns) and B: they’re not even one of the better known clowns.]


Because, when you’re letting someone in on a “secret” you’re basically welcoming them into a club of knowledge, an open cellar door of information that they didn’t know and now they will know, which usually makes their life a little easier and/or better.


That all being said, most people who come in to our shop are looking for a whole host of the amazing beers that we have on draught from Vermont and beyond but there’s only a small hand full of folks who’ll go straight for the jugular when they’re here; they’ll order a Backacre. It’s not so much a secret as it’s more of a “if you haven’t tried this beer yet, you might want to put it on your list because it’s phenomenal.”


Backacre is a beer from a small operation out of Weston, Vermont and, by all means other than the actual place that it’s being made, it’s a Gueuze. We can’t call it a Gueuze because it isn’t made in Belgium but, for all intents and purposes, it’s the same thing. They (Backacre Beermakers) purchase wort (unfermented sugar substance intended to be combined with the powers of yeast to create beer) from a brewery and ferment them with their own lovely strains of yeast and let them hang out for a while in large barrels. When the time is correct, they then blend various years of these barrels to create the bottles that we serve to you. It’s really actually incredible. And, because I spend most of my time talking about the draught beers that we have, I thought it only fitting to let you know about a highlight from our bottle list. The bottle size is about the same as a bottle of wine so it’s also a perfect beer to share with others. After that, you’re in DA CLUB and you can spread the word to your fellow patrons about how good it actually is/was having already had it.


But if you’re not looking for something in bottle format and you really just want a pint/glass of beer we do have those too. For instance, this week we will have one of my favorite beers in all of the world, Hill Farmstead Mary. It’s no secret that I love Pilsners and believe that most of them do not get even close to the same recognition that, say, a Double India Pale Ale does. The Hill’s Mary is as close to perfection in this regard. And speaking of the Hill and also speaking of Double India Pale Ales that you might want to drink we also have Society & Solitude #4 right now, which will be followed by Burial Beer’s Gang of Blades (conjuring THIS to the mind space), which is also a Double India Pale Ale. We are also carrying (keeping with the hoppy side of things) Lost Nation’s Mosaic single hop (the secret here is that the hop is called Mosaic) India Pale Ale, which, when we’re empty on that front, will be followed by Lost Nation’s House Pale Ale. Moving a little further away from the hops we will also be pouring Farnham’s (Burlington by way of Quebec or it’s the other way around, I’m not entirely sure) Bitter, which is kind of fun because a Bitter is not often looked at twice but most people enjoy them especially if you’re looking for a medium bodied amber ale. Also, you should know that in England (so I’m told) a “bitter” just means a beer. So, it’s not really bitter per se. Moving even further away from hops we can then talk about Shacksbury Millrace, which is a naturally fermented cider from Vermont in the United States.













Arms in air.




Sui Generis.




Olympicsover=finallyhockeyseason Taproom



An American Haka.

For those of you who’ve come to expect hilarity here, you will be sore in two days from the lack of it today. For today, I need to go over a couple of things that are important and we need to talk about them so I will write them in English and then in an other language that many of you will not be able to understand but there will be at least one person out there in TV land that will be able to decipher it and it’ll make that person(s)’s day, which will be kind of like a surprise birthday present for them where they feel special and we all can kind of look at them and think, “good for them, they deserve it.”  

Firstly, we’re about to go through another cycle of Localvore starting NEXT MONDAY! If you’re unfamiliar with how that works: you go to the Localvore website (this’ll work) next Monday and you’ll see us on there (the website – we’re not going to be hanging on your computer screen like a monkey – although, we could if that’d make you smile), you’ll have an opportunity to purchase a $15 gift certificate which will be worth $30 in Three Penny money. It’s a really good deal and we’ve had great success with it in the past getting old and new customers to have some smiles on their pretty faces. However, this time around, we’re also donating $2 FROM EACH LOCALVORE SOLD to go to the MONTPELIER FOOD PANTRY. Because we love everyone and it’s the right thing to do. Ethics are a wonderful thing.


Secondsies, it’s a couple of weeks away but it should be noted that we’re doing a tap takeover. We don’t necessarily do tap takeovers very often so when we do them we try and do them in an annoying fashion (in a good way – like, if you’re going to do something, you might as well do it BIG). This will involve beers from THIS brewery and THIS one as well and there will be upwards to TEN of their beers on all at once. So, you’ll have an opportunity to try a lot of them. The event is on the 19th of this month. It’s a Friday and I already put it in your calendar as “DON’T MISS THIS!!!” so that’s what that’ll mean. I’ll be talking about it more in the coming weeks but I figured I would get that proverbial “ball” going somewhere other than where it was when we first began this conversation what were we talking about again?



And now for those that enjoy the language of the Czech:


Za prvé jsme se projít do další cyklus Localvore začíná příští pondělí! Pokud jste obeznámeni s jak to funguje: jdete na stránkách Localvore (to bude fungovat) příští pondělí a uvidíte nás na tu (webové stránky – nebudeme viset na obrazovce počítače jako opice – i když, jestli že by vás úsměv), budete mít možnost zakoupit 15 dolarů dárkový certifikát, který bude za 30 dolarů ve třech Penny peníze. Je to opravdu dobrý obchod a měli jsme velký úspěch s ním v minulosti stále staré a nové zákazníky, aby si některé úsměvy na tvářích hezké. Nicméně tentokrát, jsme také darovat $2 od každé LOCALVORE PRODAL jít do MONTPELIER ZÁBAVNEJ. Protože máme všichni rádi a je to správná věc. Etika je báječná věc.

Secondsies, je to pár týdnů, ale je třeba poznamenat, že to děláme kohoutku převzetí. Ne nutně klepněte převzetí velmi často, takže když to děláme, je vyzkoušet a udělat je obtěžující způsobem (v dobrém –, pokud chceš něco udělat, možná stejně to velké). To bude zahrnovat piva z tohoto pivovaru a tohle stejně a tam bude nahoru do deseti svých piv na všechny najednou. Takže budete mít možnost vyzkoušet si mnoho z nich. Událost je na 19 tohoto měsíce. Je pátek a už bych to v kalendáři jako "Nenechte si ujít tuto!" tak to je to, co to bude znamenat. Budu mluvit o tom více v příštích týdnech, ale myslel jsem, že by si, že příslovečnou "ples" jiné než někam kde to bylo když jsme poprvé začali tuto konverzaci co jsme mluvili o znovu?



Which, typing that out (I had to use my Czech keyboard) reminded me that I was in nearby Slovakia about 10 years ago. I was not good at picking up the language. However, I learned just enough to get us a copy of this song just in the nick of time. I also learned “please” and “beer.” Which, in retrospect and for the next time I’m in Slovakia, I will learn “I’m sorry” more than anything. But, for those of you that want to know; “beer” is “pivo.”


Here’s some pivo for you to get when you come in to watch the Olympics because damn right they’ll be on since I have to get my Judo fix once every four years [side note: will you all help with something? While watching the Euros we all got to see the Icelanders do THIS. And, the Maori’s have THIS. The first of which is just simply stunning, to see an entire fleet of nationals all doing the same movement, together. That’s pride. The second, if you’re not moved by that, well, I’m far more emotional a person than you are apparently. That’s where you come in; what’s something that we can start doing, as Americans, together? Or, do we just chant USA! USA! USA!? Because if that’s the deal, let’s do it better than the other country’s even though they have no reason to chant USA! USA! USA! We should start something…


Anyway, on to the pivo…]


- Zero Gravity Double Down Under Double IPA Made With Hops From New Zealand (THIS) And Australian Yeast. That’s the “Double Down Under” part. They sure make Double IPAs really good up there all the way in Burlingtown.


- Urban Farm Fermentory’s Amalgam is on right now and if you’ve been looking for a cross between a dry cider and a kombucha then, well, that’s exactly what it is so your search can end now.


- Firestone Walker’s Luponic Distortion is another of those experimental hop IPAs from the west coast that goes against the west coast IPA stereotype and isn’t above 6 percent in the A to the B to the V. Think of the tropics.


- Hill Farmstead Walden is one of my favorite beers so I’m not going to tell you what it’s all about so I can drink more of it look away look away look away Dixieland.


- the return (return) of Lawson’s Finest Super Session #2 is imminent, you’ve been warned.




See, that’s how I roll when I’m short-winded.


- Localvore and the Donating to the Montpelier Food Pantry.


- Tap Takeover


- Olympics.



That’s all.





Have a greater week than everyone else!






We're hunting rabbits...

Let us start your day off with something that, if it doesn’t brighten your world for at least eight minutes, then I’m really not sure how to actually get through to you people (I say that in the nicest way possible – it’s not like I use the term “you people” very often (actually, when I do, I usually use a comma)) and try to shroud you with the blanket that is called “happy.”  

Watch THIS when you have a minute. We’re about to go into detail so, in the immortal words of the bunny itself, “speaking in confidentiality, SPOILER ALERT FOR THE REST OF THIS MESSAGE.”


Why are we watching this today?


A couple of simple reasons, actually. First, this clip aired for the first time on this date in 1940 and thus, a star was born. Although his name was never spoken or mentioned during their original scene, Bugs Bunny got his start. Second, I have a background in Children’s Literature and have over-analyzed countless numbers of books and things that people read to those humans whose brains are still developing (should be noted: never stops – but, children are more apt to have something shape them than a full grown human brain and it’s important to send them subliminal messages, apparently). Never, in my years of over-analysis, have I even thought of doing so with cartoons. What an idiot I was/am.


But the real reason to watch this today: it’s really really funny.


I mean, immediately, you get to see a very young Elmer Fudd (how young he looks! The camera must have advanced in its technology throughout the years to be able to add five pounds because it doesn’t here) talking directly to the camera. That’s breaking the “fourth wall” almost as soon as the character is introduced, which begins the need for you, the viewer, to become involved and invested within the confines of the script. And, you should also be apparently qwuiet, very very qwuiet.


Music. Notice how the music is “made” for the script and the action on the screen. Yes, that’s exactly how it used to be with directors and producers sending music along with the films in order to score the show live, but, this is pin-pointing the exactly movements, making the scene play and dance. I could probably write an entire piece on the movements used in the sound effects alone but in the interest of time, we’re going to move along to the fact that A BUNNY JUST TIED A SHOTGUN INTO A BOW!


That’s crazy!


Also, a talking rabbit? Yes, there’s a talking rabbit in the world now. Your mind is blown and now you’re going to run around the world asking just about everything “Eh, What’s up Doc?” And, it’s going to be hilarious because you have a tendency to repeat things that this point in your development. If you’re beyond those years, you’ll probably chuckle to yourself for remembering that you used to (either subliminally or subconsciously at this point) go around asking “what’s up” to just about everything and including the word “doc” in there.


Then, there’s humor for the adults at the time because when Bugs covers Elmer’s eyes and asks “guess who?” he gets four guesses out of him.


First guess.


Second guess.


Third guess.


Forth guess. (I couldn’t decipher what he said and I tried)



All wrong.



Then the rabbit tricks Elmer AGAIN and this time with a skunk and it was, as well, funny. Suddenly, Elmer has a brand new gun out of nowhere and “shoots” the rabbit, ends up feeling bad and then goes away, basically tarnishing himself for the desire to kill a rabbit but ultimately will try again when it turns into duck season. And, just to be sure that we have something to leave by; we see a rabbit play a carrot like a flute. Keep those imaginations running kinder!


The end.



This has absolutely nothing to do with beer.


As it shouldn’t, really, it’s about the kinder. But, hopefully you have some sort of deep down connection with watching cartoons and hopefully this made you smile because that’s the intention.



As far as beer IS concerned, we’ve been really really trying to tap this new beer from Lawson’s Finest Liquids. It’s called Idaho 7 and it’s a single hop IPA from one of our favorite brewers of India Pale Ales (among other styles). It’ll be on soon, that’s about all I can say. We have five gallons so, well, some of you will be able to try it and some will not. It’s not because we don’t love you all, it’s just the way the world works.


We’re also getting a very good amount of variety coming down from the Hill the end of this week so those will trickle in throughout the next week or so.


We have a REALLY awesome Saison from Zero Gravity on right now and that’ll be good to drink on a nice and warm day.



And, I want to end our time together to let you know that we’re going to be VERY busy on August 19th. It’s a Friday. We are going to do something we generally don’t really do that often and it involves the words “tap” and “takeover” and we’re actually going to “tap” things and then “takeover” the majority of the boards with two VERY great breweries that you really can’t get around these parts. Stay tuned. I know who the two breweries are and if you say “swordfish” to me on the streets, I’ll let you know. By the way, “swordfish” is always the password, always.











Well, I don’t know what y’all do before you go to bed at night or even in the morning if you work at night and have a different schedule than most (I’ve had all schedules in my life and know the struggle of working at night and having to sleep during the day time, if you want to, if you want to) but I, for one person that gets to interact digitally with you once a week, listen to music.  

I find that music is like most things; there’s always a way to compliment life. Beer is no different. Or, if beer isn’t your thing, ice cream then. It’s completely and really all about complimenting the life that you have and the part of the day depends on the way in which to augment or sprinkle a dash of friendly companionship to have a shotgun-riding co-pilot.


Before we start talking about the new collaboration between (betwixt? No, it would be between) Tired Hands Fermenteria and Hill Farmstead (of the Bend Greensboro), which is called “Karma Emulsion” and how it really IS a seemingly perfect marriage of Hill Farmstead Edward and Tired Hands HopHands, which are both American Pale Ales in their separate day jobs. And before we start talking about the Almanac Hoppy Sour with El Dorado hops (one of my favorite hop varieties) and before we start talking about the Lawson’s Finest Fayston Maple Stout with Coffee that will hopefully be on soon as well as a VERY special offering coming from the Lawsons’ the end of the week and before we start talking about the really rare Flanders Red coming on soon from Smuttynose that spent three years in oak waiting to be the sour love in your life and before we start talking about the Lost Nation Gose that’s so amazing on a hot day like today and before we start even trying to discuss the Il Padrino sandwich that we have on now that makes my mouth water just thinking about the fact that it’s a pressed sandwich with our house chorizo and has a great blend of sweet and spice; we should talk about two or three little snippets of music that I’ve found recently that are really really good.



Part 1, in which Doris gets her oats:


THIS is the link. You should take the time to check it out before reading the rest; it’s about 10 minutes. I watch it just about once a day and keep pulling nuances from it. There’s a really good reason he won the MacArthur Grant. From the fact that he chooses a simple (for him I’m sure), melodic, traditional piece and morphs it into an incredibly beautiful rendition of a Radiohead song (which was NOT designed for a mandolin) to the fact that he pulls the greatest trick a musician can pull: play soft and your audience will be forced to listen. By playing the waltz first, perfectly, he allows himself to do the cover with an audience that’s paying full attention to what he plays. It’s brilliant. Have fun. Cheers.



Part 2, which is not safe for work and uses some fairly harshish language but I’m more focusing on the beat here, mostly the way in which it changes in the “bridge” section of the song. I got turned on to this song and put it on my running mix (I have one of these – also known as the greatest invention in the modern era and no, I have not played Pokeman Onward and don’t really intend to but you should deduce from my song selection that I do not judge so if you do play that game I love you just the same) and it’s infectious. I should also say that it’s not really safe for work (NSFW) and uses some fairly harshish language but I’m more focusing on the beat here. Oh, yeah, the song, HERE it is, have fun, it’s just a song.



Part 3, in which Doris has her oats and is no longer hungry:


THIS song is one that has eluded my ability to understand how to replicate it. I’m also a musician (it’s like saying you’re a runner – if you run, you’re a runner. I play instruments; it doesn’t mean that I’m the greatest guitar/banjo/mandolin player in the world but I’ve been known in common circles as someone who can play music) and spent a good deal of time “covering” songs for other people to listen to but I have ONE stipulation when it comes to playing someone else’s song; if I can’t sing it either as good or better than the original (or if I can’t find my own voice within the song and make it a little bit “my own”) then I will play the melody instrumentally. But, with this song, I’ve had more trouble getting the rhythms to match with some semblance of justifying the need to play the song in the first place, let alone trying to emulate the melody with respect to the original voice. He’s just the best. You can always pick his voicing out of a line up and say, “yeah, that’s the Blues Boy King right there.”




There you have it y’all. This thing is supposed to be about beer and stuff and today you got more stuff than beer.



Andtheywouldntgiveittoandre3000? Taproom




Post Script: and if you didn’t know, today was the day, in 1969, that there was a human that walked on the moon. I’ll always remember that snippet because, growing up, we would always make that joke on my brother’s birthday. Because, it’s the same day as the day in history when humans put one of our own on the Earth’s moon. For those that know my brother he’s a pretty fantastic specimen of human. He’s a visionary, someone who sees opportunity in almost everything, who sees good in all people, who can always walk into a room and command attention. If you see him (which at times gets difficult because he’s so busy that sometimes “seeing” Scott is more like a blur), wish him a Happy Birthday. There’s not many people on the planet Earth that deserves it more than him. Tell him I love him while you’re at it. I’ll do it too but you should probably do it as well.

It may be in play form...

EXT CASTLE/ARMORY WALL – Two men (Charles (moniker “C”) and Louis Philippe (moniker “LP”) are present, both smoking cigarettes constantly throughout while holding said cigarettes in atypical fashions. One of them is sitting on the ground while the other is pacing. They take turns in this fashion where one will be sitting (coming to rest with a huge audible sigh) and the other pacing. The stage is very quiet except for their audible sighs while sitting/getting up. All dialog is in a really bad French accent that will not be reflected in the written words.  

Louis Philippe:

I wish he would just get here already.






I wish he would just get here already.








C (cont’d):

Wait, who?



Have you been paying attention to the words that have been coming out of my mouth for the past two months?



Sort of; I remember that story you told me about stepping into the latrine bucket. And I remember the fact that it’s your daughter’s birthday in fifty-two days from now because I’ve already started teaching myself to knit so that I can make her a nice hat. And that time we talked about…


LP (interrupting):

No! You fool! Why do you think we are here, outside of the Bastille?



Do you have any tobacco?



I don’t smoke.


C: (points towards the cigarette in LP’s hand)




My last one, this one.



I thought we were waiting for JP.



We are.



Then what?



Then we storm the castle.



Just us?


LP: No, kitten, there’s a whole host of us.






Listen, I could say the “Royal ‘US’” but I’m not sure if that’s even a colloquialism that should be used in late 18th century France.



I’m pretty sure I would be confused by that phrase and quite possibly offended. I’m glad you didn’t say it.



So am I. Alright, listen kitten, JP is going to get here with the information about where and when we’re going to storm the Bastille and then we’re all going to have what those Americans just did over across the pond as they say. They have a democracy and that’s what we’re trying to get until some short dead dude comes along and makes it a dictatorship all over again.



Are you predicting the future?



Are you living in the past?



I’m not sure you’re saying what I think you’re saying.



It’s going to be Bastille Day! Tomorrow! Or, whenever JP shows up and let’s us know how we’re going to storm the armory and when we do, we will always celebrate July 14th from here on and call it Bastille Day!



So, we’re waiting for JP. That seems like it’s a forced cliché.



It was not an original thought. Also, if he showed up, the cliché would be nullified.



ENTER JEAN-PAUL (moniker “JP”)



Hey dudes!






What’s shakin’?



Nothing much, just waiting for you to show up so as not to be a plagiarism of a well known play.



Which play?



Doesn’t matter now, you’re here. Do you have any tobacco?



I don’t smoke.






Where were you dudecicle?



Oh, I was down at Three Penny, laying the sketches out for this whole revolution thing we got going on. They’ve got some great beers going on right now.



Why didn’t you invite us?



It’s a Bourgeoisie thing, you wouldn’t understand.





LP: I could use a beer. We’ve been here a while.



Yeah, about that, totally sorry.



Make me dream of beer.



Well, for starters, I had a beer from Oregon, USA, called Base Camp Bretta Livin which is a really cool dry sour made with apricots. Then I had an Upper Pass First Drop Pale Ale, which just gets better and better as it goes on.


LP: Go on.



It wasn’t on yet but they’re about to put Lawson’s Finest Fayston Maple Stout on, this time made with Coffee. I really wanted to be there for that one but I’m not sure if it’ll be on next Tuesday yet.



What’s next Tuesday?



It’s the 19th of July, so 5 days after Bastille Day, which is tomorrow.



If we ever get going.



We will dude, hold your horses.



I came on foot.



Three Penny is donating a percentage of their BAR sales to the Girls/Boyz First Mentoring Program from next Tuesday. The program is really killer and coordinates an advisor with a child in need of some mentoring and guidance. It’s an invaluable resource and they’re stoked to be able to help.



I had a mentor once. It really helped.



It does. It’s important to have someone to talk to and to get advice from and just generally someone to spend time with who isn’t in your daily life. It’s for the kids.



That’s very nice of them.



That’s not why they do it. It’s for the kids.



As it should be.



Speaking of kids; what about we talk about this whole storming the armory thing so we can get on with that whole revolution thing we talked about so we can get our bourgeois thing going on.



Oh that thing? I’ll take care of that. What I need you guys to do is to wait here for a guy named Frodo.



That’s dangerously close to the name we’re trying to avoid here.



I know man but that’s the dude’s name.



What are you going to be doing?



Storming the castle bro.


EXIT Jean-Paul




So we wait?



We wait.



I’m only going to wait until next Tuesday when I can go to Three Penny and help raise money for the mentoring program.



Sounds totally reasonable. Hey, will you hold this?





EXIT Louis Philippe




Oh Man.














Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you...

[phone ringing]  

[SFX of a VOICE coming seemingly from nowhere when, in actuality, it’s coming from a little box with a miniature cassette tape inside of it. Some would know what this box is because when they go back in their memory they too had one of these machines in their house/apartment. It’s called an answering machine. Back in the yea-old days of yore people didn’t have telephones on them at all times and in order to reach another human that you wished to communicate with it was necessary to find yourself located in your own house/apartment and use your own telephone in order to, what was called, “call” them. [interior comment by Super Ego #5: “we” think it’s really funny when someone tells another human that they should “hang up” their phone. Newsflash: there’s no need to hang them up anymore, we’ve surged past that.] If that person with which you yearned to speak to was not present (or attending to some other form of busy nature) you were given the opportunity to “leave a message” after a mundane tone. This is the SFX we’re talking about here. It’s the voice coming from the answering machine.]


VOICE: Hey, thanks for calling. We are unable to get to the phone right now [not spoken: this also never happens anymore. Right after this I’m going to change my voice mail message on my cellular telephone to say, ‘Hey, thanks for reaching out. I keep my phone on vibrato and didn’t feel it. Leave me your name, hat size and a brief undergarment and when I look at my cellular telephone next I’ll see that you called.’] so if you tell us what’s good and what’s up we’ll spit at ya whenever we receive this message.




OTHER VOICE (the voice “leaving” the message): Hey Jim and Mindy and Scout and Jerry and Lewis and Boxcar and Napkin, its Jim and John from the Three Penny Pirates softball team. We were really touched that you came out to see us play last night and hope you all had fun because we think it’s a lot of fun, which is why we do it. Most of us were athletes throughout our lives and like to get together with other people in similar fashion and do, you know, athletic stuff. Men’s League Softball, played at the Dog River Fields, is a great demonstration of team play and good sportsmanship all the while providing an actually REALLY entertaining sport to watch. And, our team is pretty good and we have new uniforms this year to go along with our new hats and we look really good. Also, when we have fans there, such as you all coming down last night, it makes it all the more fun for everyone. So, yeah, um, thank you. And, if you guys are around, we’re playing a bunch of more games in the next couple of weeks such as, well, tonight for instance at both 7:15 AND 8:15. Um, OK! See you around! Have a great day!




ENTER JIM carrying a VERY LARGE SNAKE. He’s petting it.


JIM: Oh hay Boxcar; looks like someone left us a message while I was taking you for your daily walk around the cemetery. I wonder who it was left by. Let’s play it.




“Hey Jim and Mindy and Scout and Jerry and Lewis and Boxcar and Napkin, it’s Jim and John from the Three Penny Pirates softball team. We were really touched that you came out to see us play last night and hope you all had fun because we think it’s a lot of fun, which is why we do it. Most of us were athletes throughout our lives and like to get together with other people in similar fashion and do, you know, athletic stuff. Men’s League Softball, played at the Dog River Fields, is a great demonstration of team play and good sportsmanship all the while providing an actually REALLY entertaining sport to watch. And, our team is pretty good and we have new uniforms this year to go along with our new hats and we look really good. Also, when we have fans there, such as you all coming down last night, it makes it all the more fun for everyone. So, yeah, um, thank you. And, if you guys are around, we’re playing a bunch of more games in the next couple of weeks such as, well, tonight for example at both 7:15 AND 8:15. Um, OK! See you around! Have a great day!”


JIM: Well that was very nice of them, don’t you think Boxcar?




JIM (cont’d): Maybe we WILL go down to their next game. I think we’ll leave you here that time; you weren’t very popular after you started in on the pole that holds the bench for the players to sit up. Getting you off was difficult. Then, I’ll take Mindy and Scout and Jerry and Lewis with me to the Three Penny Taproom, namesake of the Three Penny Pirates softball team. There I’m going to eat a really ridiculously good Porcetta Sandwich and get some pretzel rods. Their taplist is really nice right now and has transitioned into the kinds of beers that you’re going to want to drink in warmer weather. What kind of beers are those you ask, Boxcar? Well, the Zero Gravity Gose is one that sticks out first. Their version of the Tart Wheat with Coriander and Salt is very quite good and is actually an absolutely perfect beverage to drink after exercise mostly because of the salt part. And, this time of year, sour beers tend to quench my thirst better than most other things. For that side of the spectrum they have Base Camp’s Bretta Livin’ with Apricots, Almanac’s Tropical Platypus with its wine aged sour with citrus fruits stuff and they also have Poo-Tee-Weet from Hermit Thrush, which is a little drier than the other ones but it’s still PRE-TEE-SWEET if you ask me! Right? HAHA!




JIM (cont’d): Or, if I’m not really in the mood to decide on things because I’ve been outside all day in the hot hot heat then I’m just going to see if their staff have any recommendations because they’re always really good about being awesome and that’s why I go there anyway. Last time I was recommended to try Lawson’s Finest Fayston Maple Stout, which I hope they still have on. It was lovely. Then I had a bottle of Backacre that I love so much and then I was really happy. It made me want to kiss your brother, my pet frog Napkin. Say, where is Napkin anyway, I haven’t seen him in a while.









Somehowthismakesmebellylaughprettyhard Taproom.

Some Kind of Jalopy...

Happy Independence Day (coming)! We’ll be OPEN ALL DAY SUNDAY AND SERVING FOOD FROM 11-9 AND THE BAR WILL STAY OPEN WELL AFTER THAT. Also, we’re closed on Monday because, well, we’ll also be celebrating our Independence. You know what I think about when I think about Independence? Cats. And that’s where the worm turned in the brain for me and then I wrote this:  


It was sometime at night; the forested jungle was singing the nocturnal round of constant chatter and I was perched with my back to a Belian for support. I was part of a solitary mission to capture a cat.


Not just any cat; a Bornean Bay Cat.


No one had ever seen one, let alone captured and tagged one, which was my charge. The higher ups (shall remain nameless – it was a top secret mission) wanted to know how many of these rare cats were still around as they are extremely important in the circle of life in the humid terrain.


I spent two weeks attached to that tree and hadn’t seen anything closely resembling the Bornean Bay Cat. I saw a lot of other things. The Bornean Rain Forest is brimming with other things, you should go some time, it’s really nice.


Anyway, so I was in Borneo from 2003-2006 straight. After my initial waiting period where I thought I could just hunt like the Cat, be like the cat and live in the cat’s area it became very apparent that they weren’t coming around because I was there. So I made myself as sparce as they are. I set up a camera and went back to headquarters.


From 2003-2006 I (well, the camera that I set up that had a motion detector on it that, when tripped, would take a picture) took many many many many pictures. If you’d like to see some of them I’ll leave THIS and THIS and THIS and THIS to appease you.



However, I only caught ONE picture of the elusive Bornean Bay Cat.





It (the picture) has been living in my wallet since 2006 and I’m the only one that’s ever actually looked at the picture with a pair of eyes. To be truthful, the higher ups decided in 2004 that I should stop looking for the Bornean Bay Cat because, well, there was more interesting things to learn about in that area during that time I guess but I’m much more stubborn than that and stayed on my own accord (and expense).








HERE it is.


Now you know what I was doing between the year 2003 and 2006.



What does that have to do with beer/wine/spirits/awesome food?



Well, we have two newer things going on that, if you’re in the right place at the right time, you’ll have a better chance to catch them than I did hunting that damn cat.


First, every Monday-Thursday from 4-6 we have really cool special appetizer sized food stuffs that are only $5. It’s not rare to find them from that time period but you have to be here to get them. They change fairly often but they’re always amazing. The chorizo stuffed pickled pepper that we had on last week had one gentleman order three orders of them while he was here and then took four orders of them with him when he left my presence. So, if that’s any indicator…


The other thing to discuss is our version of the “City Wide” (Philly) or the “Industry Standard” that those who’ve given their time to the restaurant industry will be kind of upset about the fact that we’re making this public but, well, we like sharing and we like you. The “City Wide” and “Industry Standard” are a series of drinks known, in most circles, as a “shot and a beer.” We’re going to rename this “shot and a beer” to our version and call ours, “Good Neighbor.” So, when you order a “Good Neighbor” you will get a can of Naragansett Lager and a shot of Old Grand Dad whiskey. All of that for $7. Be a good neighbor and join in on the fun.


As far as the draft is concerned here’s some of what we have on tap in comparison to other rare cats that I took pictures of in the past:


The Pallas’ Cat: actually the oldest species of cat, mostly living in Eastern Europe. The fun thing about this cat is the fact that it has rounded pupils as opposed to slits. When I think of this cat I think about Founders Mosaic Promise and it’s rounded hop to malt profile. Mosaic Promise is a single hop/single malt beer using Golden Promise Malt and Mosaic hops.


And, when I think about my time with the Sand Cat in Africa, the Arabian Pennisulas and western Asia and their furred feet that insulate their paws from the hot sand I always think about Zero Gravity’s Gose and how refreshing it is during a heat wave, especially in Africa. Their tart wheat with coriander and salt is the perfect ending to a day where it gets really really really hot.


And the Margay, resembling an Ocelot climbing all over the central and southern Americas, hunting at night? They always remind me of Hill Farmstead Earl. It’s an oatmeal coffee stout.


We have another stout coming in this week from another brewery in Vermont that you may have heard about but that’s about all I’m allowed to say about it at the moment so I guess I’m just going to go back to my tree stand and wait.



See you soon.







I’mstillwaiting Taproom





Post Script:


I would like to personally thank those of you who have sent Mira a postcard, they are meaning a LOT to her. Especially, Waylon, we got yours literally the next day, from Florida. And, D.A. and Buffy? Yours came in from the Islands and she was happy. Kudos. Thanks again!

Brunch Menu 06.23.16



Vermont Creamery, coupole, goat, aged $10

Shelburne Farms, Smoked cheddar, raw cow $10

Bonnieview Farm, Bonnie Blue, raw cow $10

Tasting of all three $16

Ploughman’s Board- country pate, pickles, cheese, grilled bread, mustard $12


Green Salad- creamy herb dressing $7

add chicken- $3 add steak skewers $6


Grilled Cheese- red hen whole grain bread, cheddar $11 add bacon $3

Burger- mayo, pickles & lettuce, choice of cheddar or blue cheese $13 double $18 - add bacon $3

Daily Burger~ pesto, sun-dried tomatoes, chevre schmear $15

BBQ Shaved Pork Belly Sandwich~ smoked cheddar $14

Buffalo Chicken Sandwich~ coated with tpt hot sauce, side of blue cheese dressing $12

**Egg Sandwich- 1 egg scrambled, not taylor ham, pork roll, ale house cheddar,

choice of fries, home fries or salad $9

Large Plates

**French Toast- red hen bread, cinnamon batter, bourbon aged maple syrup $10

**Eggs “Benedict”~2 poached eggs, english muffin, pork roll, hollandaise sauce $15

**Smoked Trout Scrambled Eggs~ 2 eggs, smoked salmon, chives, crème fraiche,

home fries, toast $10

Fish ‘n Chips- lemon, house tartar sauce $15

Soba Noodle Salad~ peppers, carrot, daikon, onion, edamame, peanut dressing, kimchi $16

Snacks and Sides

Poutine~ beer gravy, cheddar curds, herbs $10

add bacon $3 add egg $1

Fries $6

Home Fries~ harissa spice $6

Pretzel Rods- sea salt, pub mustard $10


The vt dept of health warns that

 eating raw or undercooked

meat or eggs can make you ill

Hello Mudder, Hello Fadder...

Hi Family!  

Hi Mr. Snuggles! I miss you the most (don’t tell the parents!!!)!


Camp is going great! I’m making so many friends and getting absolutely eaten alive by mosquitoes but everyone is nice and they smile a lot so that makes the days pretty good especially when we get ice cream. I won a prize in bingo last night and got to choose a candy bar the size of my head. I split it with my new friend Miriam. She’s a fantastic musician with an awesome voice. She is trying to put out an album right now and needs help to raise the funds required to do so and, seeing as I’m here and you’re there, I figured I could give you the link to donate to her efforts in lieu of my allowance. Here it is. Use that one. She’s a really incredible woman and has a wonderful personality to go along with her angelic voice and you’ll get to see all about it in the video that I just provided. I think you’ve actually seen her play around town so this is a great opportunity to help out, you know? She’s also been really nice to me as she’s been to this camp before and she’s been showing me the ropes.


How’s the food at home? The food here is pretty good. They are looking for another cook to round out the team here at the Three Penny Camp and if you know of anyone, you should send them by. But, if you’re sending someone anyone will you send Mr. Snuggles too? I like Mr. Snuggles and I miss him the most. Sometimes we play kickball.


We’ve actually been playing a lot of soccer (there’s a kid here who calls it Football but I’m confused by that) during the day and one of the councelors watches the games from the Copa American and the Euro Championship that are going on right now at night but he already knows the scores of the games because during the day when we’re all making bows and arrows and playing soccer there’s people who go to the Taproom to watch the games live but he watches them anyway because he like soccer that much.


I got to hold an alligator!


It was a small alligator and its mouth was taped shut but its belly felt really funny in my hands.


I’m getting really good at archery and even won a Hill Farmstead Double Citra because I hit closer to the bulls-eye than Tommy (Tommy can’t do the archery anymore because he almost hit the cat).


They also have these two different Goses here, one from Zero Gravity in Burlingtown and one from Lost Nation in Morritsville and I’ve never had something like it; it’s like an adult version of Gatorade (so they tell me – I’m too young to drink, remember?).


They also have these “sour” ales that the other adults are seemingly enjoying a lot. One of them is pretty rare apparently and it’s called the Rodenbach Alexander and it hasn’t been made in more years than I’ve been alive! That’s a long time and longer than I can remember since I wasn’t borned yet then. They have some stateside offerings as well from Almanac in Californ-I-A and one from where we’re from in Vermont called Hermit Thrush. They’re both, I hear, pretty amazing.



Let’s see…


I’m kind of only writing because they’re making me; I’m having too much fun here.


I also think I’m going to paint my face more often.


Ok, I have to go, it’s time to go get my badge in swimming! I’m doing better this year!


TTFN (that’s “Ta Ta For Now!”)!



I love you!



Junior” Taproom

Straight, no chaser...

I’m trying a new approach. Some may read these and appreciate the fact that I try and be at least a little bit entertaining (trying) and there are those who probably don’t read these because I’m trying (trying) to be TOO entertaining. Well, that doesn’t get you here to see Jazz on a Friday night now does it?  

So that’s what I’m going to let you know; we have the Mike Lorenz Trio here on Friday night and they’re incredible. If you’ve been in our establishment (which, if you’re on this list, the probability of you having been here is one I’d place bets on and I’m not a betting man (with money anyway)) you know that our dining room in smaller than a concert venue. To be able to see the Mike Lorenz Trio play LIVE HOT JAZZ on a FRIDAY night at 9:30 should be something you’d be into because they’re awesome and it’s basically like a private concert that we’re not charging you for and a great tap list to choose from while watching HOT LIVE JAZZ.


I really want to get the word out as much as possible so we’re going to leave it at that.


But seriously, these small little concerts are pretty incredible and intimate.


And, if you haven’t tried our Summer Menu yet then you haven’t had it in the past so let’s make the present work and your future will thank you.



That’s what I got for you this week, folks. As always we’re going to have the absolute best of the best available for you at all times from our beer selection to the liquors we carry to the wines we bring in to the food that we take care of preparing for you and that’ll never stop.


We’ll see you soon.


We love you; each and every one of you.


Longwindedsanonymoushereicome Taproom

Sunday Brunch Menu 06.05.15


 Cheese, etc

Vermont Creamery, coupole, goat, aged $10

Shelburne Farms, Smoked cheddar, raw cow $10

Bonnieview Farm, Bonnie Blue, raw cow $10

Tasting of all three $16

Ploughman’s Board- country pate, pickles, cheese, crostini, mustard $12



Green Salad- creamy herb dressing $7

add chicken- $3 add steak skewers $6



Grilled Cheese- red hen whole grain bread, cheddar $11 add bacon $3

Burger- mayo, pickles & lettuce, choice of cheddar or blue cheese $13 double $18 - add bacon $3

Brunch Burger- crème fraiche and lime pickled onion $15

Falafel Pita- greens, tomato, pickled veg, yogurt sauce, tahini sauce $13

Egg Sandwich- 2 eggs, smoked cheddar, hot sauce, greens $9


Large Plates

French Toast- red hen bread, whipped cream, bourbon aged maple syrup $10

Loaded Homies- home fries, pulled pork, 2 eggs, alehouse cheddar $12

Vegetarian Frittata- tomato, bell pepper, red onion, smoked cheddar w/side salad $10

Fish ‘n Chips- house tartar, lemon $15

Snacks and Sides

Chicken Wings- either ipa hotsauce, angostura bitter sauce, or harissa 3 for $5 or 6 for $9

Fries $6

Pretzel Rods- $10

Roasted Peanuts $3


The vt dept of health warns that

 eating raw or undercooked

meat or eggs can make you ill

Brunch Menu 05.29.16

Cheese, etc

Vermont Creamery, coupole, sheep, aged $10

Shelburne Farms, Smoked cheddar, raw cow $10

Blue Ledge Farm, Middlebury Blue, raw cow $10

Tasting of all three $16

Fisherman’s Board- smoked salmon, pickled red onion, capers, crostini, crème fraiche $12



Green Salad- creamy herb dressing $7

add chicken- $3 add steak skewers $6



Grilled Cheese- red hen whole grain bread, cheddar $11 add bacon $3

Burger- mayo, pickles & lettuce, choice of cheddar or blue cheese $13 double $18 - add bacon $3

Brunch Burger- chipotle mayo and smoked cheddar $15

Falafel Pita- greens, tomato, pickled veg, yogurt sauce, tahini sauce $13

Pork Roll Sandwich- pork roll, egg, smoked cheddar on a bun $12


Large Plates

French Toast- red hen bread, whipped cream, bourbon aged maple syrup $10

Loaded Homies- home fries, pulled pork, 2 eggs, smoked cheddar $12

Vegetarian Frittata- tomato, bell pepper, red onion, smoked cheddar w/side salad $10

Fish ‘n Chips- house tartar, lemon $15

Snacks and Sides

Chicken Wings- either ipa hotsauce, angostura bitter sauce, or harissa 3 for $5 or 6 for $9

Fries $6

Poutine $10

Roasted Peanuts $3


The vt dept of health warns that

 eating raw or undercooked

meat or eggs can make you ill