I was told this week to open with a joke so here goes:  

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May flowers bring?























They bring Pilgrims.



Also, they bring allergies but that’s not nearly as funny.



I’m going to transition straight into talking about beer because, well, you’ll see why later. The “secondary” part of the email this week (the part where I try and brighten your day a little with wordsmith wizardry – I really hope it brightens your day a little) made me incredibly uncomfortable so I’m going to talk about beer for a little bit and calm down. You’ll see why later if you’re anything like me.


So, as of right now we have a beer from Upper Pass Brewing that’s just about as refreshing a beer that I’ve personally had in a long time. There’s those times where you get to try a beer and it’s just about as perfect for the style as you can possibly get. Well, they did that. Their English Dark Mild is darn near perfect and we only have four or so gallons left which means if this is a style that you’re interested in I’m not going to tell you what you should do (I try not to should on people) but you might find it in your best interest to get here as soon as humanly or even amoebaly possible. We live in a personification of the phase an “embarrassment of riches” when it comes to hoppy beers and that’s a great thing. But, when a beer comes along that isn’t altogether overly hopped and has a really nice balance, it kind of sticks out like an honest man in Washington (not the state).


Speaking of hoppy beers (see what I mean? They’re EVERYWHERE!), if that’s your bag then you’re also in luck my good friend of all these long years. Firstly, the Idletyme Doubletyme is, as the kids say, “baller.” It’s become sort of a favorite at the Taproom and is always resulting in those moments where I get to see someone take a sip of a beer and then make this face immediately following said sip. Secondly, we have both Double Citra and Society & Solitude #3 which are both Double IPAs as well but one of them has been made with a single hop variety and the other one is an equally incredible Double IPA. I’ll leave it up to your crime fighting skills to figure out which one is the one that uses a lot of Citra hops.


Thirdsens, if you’re a sour beer drinker then please you to be directing your attention to both the Hermit Thrush Flemish Style Brown that’s about to go on (whenever you see the word “Flemish” you should rightfully assume that it’s going to be sour, that is, unless you misspeak the word “Famished” then you should not assume that anything will be sour) and also the Almanac Farmer’s Reserve Blackberry (a sour blonde ale aged in wine barrels with wild yeast and, you guessed it, blackberries). Both are exactly what you’ve been looking for move along.


Forthenthethings, this weekend is our friends from Lawson’s Finest Liquids anniversary celebration and we’re going to be lucky enough to get some of their Knockout Blonde Ale as well as their Fayston Maple Imperial with Coffee and both of them will be on tap as well to help celebrate.


Fiveisoneofmyfavoritenumbers, remember that time I talked about Montbeerlier even though it’s a month away? That just happened. It’s May 7th and we’d love to see you. For those who don’t know: it’s our anniversary celebration. It’s May 7th at 3 after the noon and we’ll have a healthy amount of beer from the State of Vermont. There will also be live entertainment in the form of music and really great food so that you can eat.


Sixisthelonliestnumber, about that thing that was making me your standard Agoraphobic Vermonter (I’m not a Vermonter in the sense that I can call myself a Vermonter but for the sake of the argument (we’re not arguing) I live and do my business in the state of Vermont and I am an agoraphobe so we’ll just go with that), what was that all about? Well, the oracle told me to talk about carnivals and that made me think of the fact that I was privileged enough as a younger artist’s portrait to live near the Six Flags in New Jersey. That caused me to try and find the tallest swinging ride, which led me to finding THIS.



Are these people crazy?!?


I mean, look at that!!!


They’re only held on by chains!


Would I have been into this as a portrait of a young artist? Probably.


Am I into this now? Absolutely not. Just watching that video made me have to walk around the block and get fresh air.


In order for me to get on that ride, these are the things that would have to happen:


  • I would need to have a spaghetti and meatball dinner with the person who designed this ride. It would have to be in a dimly lit Italian restaurant with a street that’s been sprayed down like they do in the movies to make the blacktop shine in night scenes. The meatballs should be small enough to be cut in half with a fork only once in order to eat them. We would discuss their reasoning behind building this ride in the manner other than pure pleasure. As in, I would need to know the psychological reasoning for having such a devise.
  • Then, I would need to meet the person or person(s) responsible for building the ride. I would need at least three glasses of mineral water from the Tatras Mountains in Slovakia (it really is much better) with one of those glasses having a single lime wedge. Preferably, the table that we would sit out would be one of those outdoor patio type iron tables with the holes in them. They would bring samples of the materials used in the building of said ride. Most importantly, they would bring the person or person(s) who developed these materials so that I may look at them in the face, preferably, their eyes. I’d need to see their eyes.
  • Before going on to the ride I would fast for three weeks leading up to that day. I would consume nothing but maple syrup made from the Mercer Oak, fresh spring water from Mulhacen en Espana, lemons from wherever lemons come from and cayenne pepper ground by hand by THIS
  • If all of those things happened, I would then contemplate going on this ride by meditating on top of THIS in order to acclimate.




So, that’s about it. Make it happen and I’ll pay for us to go to Texas.



Until next time folks,