Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good times and good on you. For this week I’ve already painstakingly rewritten something that I’ve transcribed from my typewriter (as the common reader of this column will tell you – I write everything out that I send to you first on a piece of slate, then I transfer everything to paper using three different kinds of pencils (we like to do things in three (3) around here just before I type everything out on my 1962 Smith Corona (anyone know where I can find replacement ribbon for this thing?) and then plagiarize myself onto a computer because it’s easier that way for you to read (apparently)) and then I’ve deleted it only to be give a thirst to plagiarize something completely different. I was watching Abbot and Costello’s skit “Who’s On First?” and I was outwardly giggling to myself because that stuff is funny stuff. I was watching it because of the start of the Fall Classic, the World Series. And, regardless whom you are rooting for, it’s a splendid time of year that is dripping in otherworldly spiritual ethereal “luck” (and redundancies apparently) and well, this skit is hilarious so I figured I would transcribe it for you. To anyone that might be reading this thinking that I am plagiarizing the following words you are reading you should know that I totally am. But, I’ve found an original (to me) VHS copy that I’m watching on a borrow television and I’m writing it long hand while they are talking. So, I’m at least doing some sort of work.
Here it is:
Abbott: Strange as it may seem, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names.
Costello: Funny names?
Abbott: Nicknames, nicknames. Now, on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third--
Costello: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.
Abbott: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third--
Costello: You know the fellows' names?
Costello: Well, then who's playing first?
Costello: I mean the fellow's name on first base.
Costello: The fellow playin' first base.
Costello: The guy on first base.
Abbott: Who is on first.
Costello: Well, what are you askin' me for?
Abbott: I'm not asking you--I'm telling you. Who is on first.
Costello: I'm asking you--who's on first?
Abbott: That's the man's name.
Costello: That's who's name?
Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?
Abbott: Every dollar of it. And why not, the man's entitled to it.
Costello: Who is?
Costello: So who gets it?
Abbott: Why shouldn't he? Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.
Costello: Who's wife?
Abbott: Yes. After all, the man earns it.
Costello: Who does?
Costello: Well, all I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base?
Abbott: Oh, no, no. What is on second base.
Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.
Abbott: Who's on first!
Costello: St. Louis has a good outfield?
Abbott: Oh, absolutely.
Costello: The left fielder's name?
Costello: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask.
Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field?
Abbott: Who's playing first.
Costello: Stay out of the infield! The left fielder's name?
Abbott: Oh, he's center field.
Costello: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on this team?
Abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?
Costello: Tell me the pitcher's name.
Costello: Now, when the guy at bat bunts the ball--me being a good catcher--I want to throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who?
Abbott: Now, that's he first thing you've said right.
Costello: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
Abbott: Don't get excited. Take it easy.
Costello: I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to what. What throws it to I don't know. I don't know throws it back to tomorrow--a triple play.
Abbott: Yeah, it could be.
Costello: Another guy gets up and it's a long ball to center.
Costello: Why? I don't know. And I don't care.
Abbott: What was that?
Costello: I said, I DON'T CARE!
Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop!
(SEE WHAT I MEAN!?! COMEDY GENIUS!!!)
If you enter this email every week looking to read about beer I hope you skipping the whole me plagiarizing a script thing.
If you did you will now know that as part of our Tasty Keg Tuesdays (TKT) at Three Penny Taproom (TPT) we tapped 2010 Maredsous 10. And that’s a reward for making it all the way down to the end of this article. Belgian Tripel. Good. Very.
We also just tapped a wet hop IPA from Founders that you may refer to as “Harvest” from now on. It’s very tasting good as well.
Also, it should be mentioned that Hill Farmstead’s George (American Brown Ale) is going to come on soon if it hasn’t already and that should be mentioned.
Until next week when I have events to talk to you about and I don’t just plagiarize something off of a VHS recording that I didn’t rewind so I guess I’m not kind today but I am addicted to redundancies so I’ve got that going for me as well as being redundant.