This is serious.  


Have a seat.



You and I need to have a little “chat” about something.




It’s about your celebrations.



I know, I know, everyone you know is doing it. Everyone you know is having a “good time” and “singing along” and “spreading the catnip on the floor for the cat to have to anger the dog who doesn’t ‘get it’” but it’s getting out of hand.



I looked the other way when you signed up for that Cider Dinner at the Taproom for Sunday night at 6 PM. I’m well aware that you really enjoy having amazing food paired with completely different ciders from Champlain Orchards and I didn’t want to say anything but, well, the dog’s out of the receptacle now. Yes, the dinner looks AMAZING and can be seen on their website along with the ciders that are planned on being paired with the food but it’s getting out of control. I know you signed up early because the space is limited and it fills up fast but we just need to be honest with each other here and think about our actions.


Oh, and that “Sing Along” that you’re going to on Thursday night with Jay Ekis? I mean, last time I had to pull you from there kicking and screaming with the biggest smile I had ever seen on your face from singing along to all of these songs that everyone else was singing along to because the words were all printed out on paper so that you knew the words and Jay lead you like a pied piper to happiness. It was quite possibly the “greatest evening you’ve ever had.” Do you remember the last time? Do you? Well, you’re planning on doing that all over again, aren’t you?


I thought so.




That’s what we need to talk about.



That’s just too much.



Too much.



Now, I just want you to think about the fact that there’s all of these ciders available on tap right now.



I want you to think about the Urban Farm Fermentory from Portland, Maine and how there’s this big “to do” down at the Taproom this Friday where they’re (the UFF) are entering the state of Vermont and you want to drop down and show your support and welcome Eli and the gang into the greatest Republic in the nation. I want you to think about their ciders and kombucha and all of the great things that they’re bringing to the “Napa Valley of Ciders.” I want you to think about being there for all of these amazing events. I want you to think long and hard about it and then decide what’s important to you.



You’re still planning on going aren’t you?



I knew it!



Well, I’m not letting you go alone.



No sir.



You’re going to need a chaperone.


You’re going to need someone to come with you this Thursday for the Jay Ekis Super Gold Sing Along and then go back Friday for the Urban Farm Fermentory launch party and since you’ve already signed up for the Cider Dinner on Sunday night I guess you’ll need someone to go with you to that too. See what you did there?


It’s like you’re pulling me into your madness of bliss. I don’t know if I can take it but I’m going to passively and aggressively try not to enjoy every single second of these events.


While I’m at it I’m going to enjoy Stone’s Lucky Ba$tard (you thought I’d curse, didn’t you?) which is a blend of three different Ba$tards.


I’m going to sip voraciously on the 2013 Ballast Point Victory at Sea with all of its coffee and vanilla porter goodness. You better believe it. Yes sir-ree Robert.



And don’t think I won’t make you think I’m not enjoying all of those different ciders on tap.



Not for one second.




Not one.



Now get dressed and do me a favor and put your shoes on first this time, it’s way more enjoyable for me to try and see you debunk a Gary Larson comic, ok?








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