Aside from my work that I do here at the Three Penny Taproom (and our affiliates) I also keep myself busy doing other things that pique my interest and are generally related to beer and the production of it. So, that would only be fitting that recently I’ve been building a time machine. I think it’s about time (get it?) that someone should tackle this basic and simple task. I mean, the concept of time travel is so simple, so elementary that it really can’t be that hard to make and fabricate a machine that can do it for you, right? I had a neighbor who made a machine the size of a small boiler that, when you inserted a coin, it popped out a ring that you could wear. But, he didn’t like the fact that it was the size of a small boiler so he made a smaller one that basically had the same purpose (coin -> ring you could wear). But, he didn’t like the size of that one either, so he made a machine that was basically the size of a shoebox and, lo and behold, that little bugger sure enough turned a coin into a ring that you could wear. If he can do that, I can build a machine capable of time travel, surely.
The person reading over my shoulder as I write this out (third draft) on my typewriter wants to know why I want to go back in time and they think you might want that answer as well even though I’m telling them that you’re not asking that question but, well, I guess I should reveal what’s so interesting about the past.
I want to go back in time to the board room of the Necco corporation and be an invisible contestant (I’ve already invented the ability to be invisible – anyone who’s been with me in a car can concur on that one) for the executive decision that resulted in this ingenious invention. Serious. I mean there has to be some “eureka!” moment where someone shouted “I got it! All of that candy that we have left over from making people think they’re eating blue flavor when it’s actually lime, you know that stuff? Well, let’s drip little dots onto 22 ½ inch paper and make little kids eat them off of the paper thereby actually eating little pieces of paper in the rushed attempt to get candy in their little mouths.”
I want to be there for that.
Take a trip back to the present with me.
That’s the same moment that I’ve been seeing lately when people try a new beer (I’m really serious here; I’ve been seeing it a lot and the candy buttons/time travel thing is actually (and literally) the first thing I thought about. I even wrote it down so I wouldn’t forget to tell you, dear reader.).
Here’s some of those flavors (I bet you didn’t know that the blue dot is actually lime, did you? It’s like they’re playing with your MIND!) that you may want to visit that we’ll have on tap either now or soonish:
Stillwater Why Can’t IBU?: think of it as a Farmhouse Ale or Saison but someone decided (Eureka! Candy Buttons!) to add a TON of really nice hops. It is IPAugust after all.
Zero Gravity Blue Gribbin: a session IPA from our friends up in the Burlington town. Cause what’s better than a hoppy beer? A hoppy beer that you can have another one of after you’ve finished the one you had (in the past).
Hill Farmstead Walden: man, I love me some blondes (beers). I also love American hops. Turns out, this one has me covered. It’ll have you covered as well.
Glutenburg Blonde: speaking of blondes, this will be an undertaking for sure. We’re going to replace everything that has touched the line that this will touch so that we can assure that it is, in fact, gluten free. And, please believe me when I tell you that I drank nothing but gluten free beers for two months searching for the best one that we can serve to you. This was the victor of the culling. To be able to offer it to you on draft (we’ve been serving it in their cans – we also have the IPA from them) is pretty special. It’s very crisp and refreshing and has hints of lemon zest. A very well made gluten free beer that you may or may not realize is actually gluten free.
Champlain Orchards Heirloom Cider: speaking of gluten free, I’m going to try and bring in a lot more ciders for you since you seem to like them. This is a Vermont grown, Vermont made cider that’s drier than you’re used to and will surely give you that Eureka! moment.
Obviously, there’s more. But, since I’m writing this to you in the past (it worked!) I feel like that should be good enough for this week.
Please do unto others as you’d want them to do unto you.
George Theofiel Dib Taproom