The first order of business is to discuss our NEW PRIME TIME “appetizer” (I don’t ever know how I feel about that word) specials during the time that makes you the happiest in general (generally 4-6). They’re really good. And they’re going to change up from time to time because our kitchen is good like that and they love to try new things and let you be the victor for that.
The next order of business is to let you know that we have the beers. All of the beers. They’re the best beers you’ve ever had. These beers are the best. There’s no other beers as good as these beers and they’re the best and I can confirm that. Mostly, I often find myself thinking that I should be “selling” them as if I’m at a baseball game trying to sell you POPCORN! PEANUTS! GET YOU’RE ICE/COLD/BEER HERE!
SUMNER! (there’s an “N” in there)
DANUBE (Blueberry Hefeweizen)!
GET YOU’RE APPROPRIATELY ACCLIMITIZED UPPER PASS FIRST DROP AMERICAN PALE ALE!
DON’T FORGET TO INJEST YOUR DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE!!!
But I progress.
Speaking of progressing: all of that chatter leads me to do this: if there’s any indicator of my obsession with baseball as a youth and the ability to remember, off hand, entire scenes from popular baseball films then this should satiate that question (double colon use score! Ten Points!)
- You’re interrupting the game Mark.
- Ray, it’s time to put away your little fantasies and come down to Earth.
- It’s not a fantasy. They’re real.
- Who’s real?
- Shoeless Joe Jackson, the White Sox, all of them.
- You mean?
- He can’t see any of them.
- Well, who is this? Elvis?
- As a matter of fact, this is Terrence Mann.
- How do you do?
- I’m the Easter Bunny. Let’s settle this thing now. You have no money.
- Look, I’m not selling.
- You have no money! You have a stack of bills! Come fall, you have no crop to sell. I have a deal that allows you to stay on the land. We don’t have to sell the farm. You’ll live in the house rent-free.
- What about the team?
- Do you realize how much this land is worth?
- Yeah, 2,200 bucks an acre. We can’t keep a useless baseball diamond in rich farmland.
- Read my lips; we’re staying, all right? We’re staying.
- Ray, you’re bankrupt! I’m offering you a way to keep your home because I love my sister. My partners don’t care and are ready to foreclose.
- Daddy, we don’t have to sell the farm.
- Karin, please.
- Wait. Just Wait.
- People will come.
- What people, sweetheart?
- From all over. They’ll just decide to take a vacation, see? And they’ll come to Montpelier. They’ll realize how awesome it is at Three Penny Taproom and they’ll want to buy a ticket to the happiness.
- You’re not seriously listening to this are you?
- Why would anyone go out of their way to come here?
- To watch the games and hang out with other awesome people. It will be just like when they were little kids a long time ago. They’ll watch the games and drink great beer and hang out with other awesome people and remember what it was like.
- What the hell is she talking about?
- People will come.
- All right. This is fascinating, but you don’t have the money to bring the mortgage up to date. You’re still going to have to sell. I’m sorry, Ray. We got no choice.
- Ray, people will come, Ray. They’ll come to Montpelier for reasons they can’t even fathom. They’ll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they’re doing it. They’ll arrive at your door as innocent as children longing for great food and awesome times. “Of course, we don’t mind if you look around” you’ll say. Stay as long as you like. They’ll let the time go by without even thinking about it. For it is a good time they’re looking for and peace they lack.
- Just sign the papers.
- Then they’ll walk out to the bleachers and sit in their shirt sleeves on a perfect afternoon. They’ll find they have reserved (we don’t take reservations – sorry) seats somewhere along one of the baselines where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes and they’ll watch the game and it will be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they’ll have to brush them away from their faces.
- Ray, when the bank opens in the morning, they’ll foreclose.
- People will come Ray.
- You’re broke, Ray. You sell now or you lose everything.
- The one constant through all the years, Ray has been Three Penny. American has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It’s been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But Three Penny has marked the time. This bar, these people, it’s a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh, people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come.
- Ray, you will lose everything. You will be evicted. Come on Ray.
- I’m not signing.
- You’re crazy. Absolutely nuts.
- I can’t do it, pal.
- I mean you build an awesome restaurant in the middle of a Capital and you stare at nothing.
- It’s not nothing.
Ok, that last part is a bit of a stretch (the part where there’s words) but I had to end it somewhere. That’s the part where Doc Graham comes off the field and then saves the little girl with the most archaic version of the Heimlich maneuver and then he grows old again and then winks and then is accepted by the baseball players who have suddenly appeared for that guy from the show about being thirty something. And then there’s an agreement that they should not sell the farm. I hope that’s even remotely accurate because this was done from memory. But, that’s what I think about when it comes down to getting all nice out and wanting to sit on a bench and eat sunflower seeds. So, come on in for a NEW PRIME TIME “appetizer” (I don’t ever know how I feel about that word) specials during the time that makes you the happiest in general (generally 4-6). They’re really good. And they’re going to change up from time to time because our kitchen is good like that and they love to try new things and let you be the victor for that.
Can you believe I’ve made it this long without giving you a single LINK to click on that might also brighten your day?
The Taproom That is Visible and Will Walk Into the Cornstalks, Three Penny